FREMONT ? It's never easy to deal with the loss of a loved one.

But doing so while having to cope with a growing mountain of debt without a stable job is a nightmare, one that Bonnie Davis has been living for nearly a year.

The 68-year-old Fremont resident still is grieving over the loss of her husband, Dennis, who died in November from health complications. They were married 46 years and lived in their Warm Springs home since they celebrated their nuptials. At one point, they owned the deed.

But five years ago, when Dennis Davis, 78, was diagnosed with a slew of medical issues, including Alzheimer's and heart diseases, he and his wife were forced to take out a second mortgage on the home ? one that now is dragging down Bonnie Davis.

Owing more than $7,000 in past-due mortgage, and thousands more on nine credit cards the couple opened to pay for Dennis Davis' medical bills and prescription medicine, the widow is struggling to make ends meet. Each month she theoretically starts $200 in the red ? her monthly mortgage is $2,000; her fixed income is $1,800.

"I'm going to lose my house," Davis said.

Before the recession hit, Bonnie Davis was a freelance writer and entrepreneur who used her expertise with horses to help supplement the couple's income.

She still runs Two Horses Enterprises, an Internet-based company that sells horse camping supplies, trail guides and maps, and has in the past written horse

riding manuals for the National Park Service.

The income from the Web site and her writing gig coupled with the pension from her husband's retirement from Lockheed Martin was more than enough to pay for their modest lifestyle, she said.

But when her husband was diagnosed five years ago, things started to spiral downward. When the economy crashed, things got even worse for Davis: Her business went broke. The Web site. extendinc.com/twohorse, still operates, but sees little business. She sold about $30 worth of merchandise in late August, something that excited her.

"Horses are a disposable income," she said.

In the wake of her husband's death, Davis also has had to pay for his funeral ? which she said is not considered a hardship by the bank financing her home ? and is still paying some of the medical bills. In an effort to cover her costs, she has applied for more than 200 jobs, but only received a handful of interviews ? none of which has resulted in full-time employment.

"They always say I am overqualified," she said.

But Davis suspects her age is what is hurting her chance to find a job.

"I'm old," she said. "People don't look past the age on the application."

She has also applied for different types of government aid, none of which has been granted.

"The system isn't built for people like me," she said.

Things have gotten so bad that she has sold her wedding rings for $800, sold all of her husband's tools at a garage sale for less than $500 ? they were valued at more than $2,000, she said ? and has taken whatever small, infrequent jobs she can find.

A few months ago, she took a part-time position as a clerk working a midnight to 4 a.m. shift at a Fremont convenience store that was illegally paying her less than minimum wage. The job lasted fewer than two weeks because the owner found someone who would do it cheaper, she said.

"I was making $6 an hour, but (the owner) said he found someone who would do it for $5," she said.

"When you're desperate, you'll do anything."

About a week ago, Davis found another small job through an acquaintance ? someone willing to pay her $20 a day to care for and walk her dogs.

But it remains that her fixed monthly income is not enough to pay the bills, she said, and ultimately she may lose her home ? which has become more sentimental over the past year.

"(My husband) died at home and I would like to die there, too, to sort of be with him" she said, sobbing.

Reach Ben Aguirre Jr. at 510-353-7011. Read his blog at www.ibabuzz.com/tricitybeat, and twitter feed at www.twitter.com/benaguirrejr.