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RE: [RC] Eating at Rides - Paul Sidio

I've noticed all of the healthy suggestions here on Ridecamp about the food eaten at Endurance rides.. It makes me feel a bit embarrassed to admit my personal diet before,during,and after rides. But in the interest of providing hope and encouragement for those who eat less healthy than the posts so far, here are some other nutrition options.
I start my pre-ride menu with donuts. Glaze is ok, but the ones with the frosting coating provide that extra early morning sugar buzz. Fresh donuts are the best, but most rules allow anything less than a month old. If you can chew it, you can eat it.  Some people prefer the chocolate ones, but I try to keep my chocolate intake confined to during the ride and vet checks. Like Homer Simpson says, " UMMMM donuts"
After the donuts, I will eat greasy sausages/egg  breakfast sandwiches like a Burger King Croissant or Egg McMuffin. If the ride starts too early, you may have to save some from the day before.  You can reheat them in the micro wave to freshen them up, but it doesn't help. The nice thing about this type of food is that it doesn't digest very well. Your body mostly has to erode it out of your system. While those who have eaten more organic foods are hungry again in a short time, this fast food will keep your gut full for a long long time. It will just sit there for ages until pushed out by other food.
Many people have mentioned different Power bars or protein bars.  Most of those attempt to come close to the taste of a candy bar, so I figured, why accept any substitutes?  Nestles Crunch, Mr Goodbar or whatever works for you. Remember that these do best in cold weather rides. At summer rides you need to store them in a cup, so you can drink them when they melt. Otherwise you could have a mess.  Some studies (by Halloween candy manufacturers?) suggest that Chocolate candy bars contain 100% of all four food groups recommended daily requirements.
Just as horses need roughage, so do humans. Pretzels or Fritos corn chips provide that plus salt and other electrolyte tasting stuff.  The salt will help you from getting heat stroke. It will also help keep your cholesterol levels up where they need to be.
As for fluids, ...yes... You should drink something. V-8 is probably very good for you, but doesn't have much carbonation.
During the ride, I fill my bags with those little white donuts with powdered sugar  on them. When they get smooshed they make a nice paste like substance that fills you up.  I tried Hostess Ding Dongs in the bag with them, but they don't mix well.
Now this type of diet may affect some people in ...ummm  ...their  gaseous emissions.  While this would be socially awkward under most circumstances, during a ride we are on horses and can blame them for the noises and smells emitted. Of course this charade is harder to pull off if  your horse is rolling his eyes and nostrils.
So while many of us can admire those who eat trail mix and dried fruits and drink herbal teas, there are still those of us who hold to a different dietary plan. There is room for all of us in this sport.  
Remember ... If you want to ride as a heavyweight... You must eat as a heavyweight.
Paul N. Sidio
Spokane MO