Endurance.Net Ridecamp Archives

As I cannot use my work e-mail, I cannot answer any mail sent there today or 
tomorrow. Please enjoy the joke....

*"Bog Spavin - The feeling of panic when riding through marshy area. Also 
used to refer to horses who throw a fit at having to go through water 
puddles.
*Colt - What your mare always gives you when you want a filly.
*Contracted foot - The involuntary/instant reflex of curling one's toes up - 
right before a horse steps on your foot.
*Drench - Term used to describe the condition an owner is in after he 
administers mineral oil to his horse.
*Endurance ride - The end result when your horse spooks and runs away with 
you in the woods.
*Equitation - The ability to keep a smile on your face and proper posture 
while your horse tries to crow hop, shy and buck his way around a show ring.
*Feed - Expensive substance utilized in the manufacture of large quantities 
of manure
*Fences - Decorative perimeter structures built to give a horse something to 
chew on, scratch against and jump over (see inbreeding).
*Flies - The excuse of choice a horse uses so he can kick you, buck you off 
or knock you over - he cannot be punished.
*Founder - 1.) The discovery of your loose mare-some miles from your farm, 
usually in a flower bed or cornfield. Used like-"Hey, honey, I found'er." 
2.) Founder: A condition that happens to most people after Thanksgiving 
dinner
*Gallop- The customary gait a horse chooses when returning to the barn
*Gates - Wooden or metal structures built to amuse horses.
*Grooming - The fine art of brushing the dirt from one's horse and applying 
it to your own body.
*Grooms - Heavy, stationary objects used at horse shows to hold down lawn 
chairs and show bills.
*Hay - A green itchy material that collects between layers of clothing, 
especially in unmentionable places.
*Head Tosser - A blonde-haired woman who wears fashion boots while working 
in the barn.
*Heaves - The act of unloading a truck full of hay.
*Hobbles - Describes the walking gait of a horse owner after his/her foot 
has been stepped on by his/her horse.
*Hoof Pick - Useful, curbed metal tool utilized to remove hardened dog doo 
from the treads of your tennis shoes.
*Inbreeding - The breeding results of broken/inadequate pasture fencing.
*Jumping - The characteristic movement that an equine makes when given a 
vaccine or has his hooves trimmed.
*Lameness - The condition of most riders after the first few rides each 
year; can be a chronic condition in weekend riders.
*Lead Rope - A long apparatus instrumental in the administration of rope 
burns. Also used by excited horses to take a handler for a drag.
*Longeing - A training method a horse uses on its owner with the purpose of 
making the owner spin in circles-rendering the owner dizzy and light-headed 
so that they get sick and pass out, so the horse can go back to grazing.
*Manure spreader - Horse traders
*Mosquitoes - Radar equipped blood sucking insects that typically reach the 
size of small birds.
*Mustang - The type of horse your husband would gladly trade your favorite 
one for...preferably in a red convertible and V-8.
*Parasites - Small children (no flames please) that get in your way when you 
work in the barn. Many gather in swarms at horse shows.
*Pinto - A colorful (usually green) coat pattern found on a freshly washed 
and sparkling clean gray horse that was left unattended in his stall for ten 
minutes.
*Pony - The true size of the stallion that you bred your mare to via 
transported semen-that was advertised as 15 hands tall.
*Proud Flesh - The external reproductive organs flaunted by a stallion when 
a horse of any gender is present. Often displayed in halter classes.
*Quarter Cracks - The comments that most Arabian owners make about the 
people who own Quarter Horses.
*Race - What your heart does when you see the vet bill.
*Rasp - An abrasive, long, flat metal tool used to remove excess skin from 
the knuckles.
*Reins - Break-away leather device used to tie horses with.
*Ringworms - Spectators who block your view and gather around the rail sides 
at horse shows.
*Sacking out - A condition caused by Sleeping Sickness (see below). The 
state of deep sleep a mare owner will be in at the time a mare actually goes 
into labor and foals.
*Saddle - An expensive leather contraption manufactured to give the rider a 
false sense of security. Comes in many styles, all feature built-in ejector 
seats.
*Saddle Sore - The way the rider's bottom feels the morning after the 
weekend at the horse show.
*Sleeping Sickness - A disease peculiar to mare owners while waiting for 
their mares to foal.  Caused by nights of lost sleep, symptoms include 
irritability, red baggy eyes and a zombie-like waking state. Can last 
several weeks.
*Splint - An apparatus that can be applied to various body parts of a rider 
due to the parting of the ways of a horse and his passenger.
*Stall - What your truck does on the way to a horse show, fifty miles from 
the closest town.
*Tack Room - A room where every item necessary to work with or train your 
horse has been put, in a place which it cannot be found in less than 30 
minutes.
*Twisted Gut - The feeling deep inside that most riders get before their 
classes at a show.
*Vet Catalog - An illustrated brochure provided to stable owners that 
features a wide array of products that are currently out of stock or have 
been dropped from a company's inventory.
*Withers - The reason you'll seldom see a man riding bareback.
*Yearling - The age at which all horses completely forget the things you 
taught them previously.
*Young stock - A general term used for all equines old enough to bite, kick 
or run you over, but not yet old enough to dump you on the ground.



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