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Freakin Handsome (by Stormy)

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Wednesday August 20 2008

What can I say? You get told that you're sooo Handsome all day every day, you don't know any other way. Mom says I make Owyhee County look good, and it looks pretty dang nice already. But I don't let it go to my head or anything, it's just what I am. The other horses were all jealous at first, but they are finally getting used to my gorgeousness.

Now while I am one especially good looking Thoroughbred ex-racehorse from the side, I do have to admit that my Mom avoids looking at me from the front and the back. My belly kind of bulges out and it kind of swings back and forth, bloop, bloop, as I waddle around. Someone around here mistakenly said that I was so fat I looked like I was a pregnant broodmare. But I am not FAT. Fat is what Dudley was last winter, so I heard. I was quite paunchy (okay, like a pregnant broodmare) a few summers ago, check out this picture! Mom was pretty appalled then, but I was pretty proud because I worked hard to get that way. You just never know when the world will run out of grass or hay, right? So it pays to stock up. Besides, a 17-year-old is entitled to a little spare tractor tire, right? And it just makes me more horse to love.

But it's just my belly that sags outwards a wee bit, (and only when you look at me head or butt-on)(see me now in my fly mask) and I've been working out daily to start toning it up. As you heard before, I am now busy with many jobs: the Oreana Bookmobile, the local Postman, the Building Inspector. I'm also the Trails Assessor and the Dog Walker. It's my important job to make sure the trails are all still in place around here. And sure, Mom takes all the dogs out for a walk in the evenings, but I take Spigot out for a special extra walk during the day. (Psst - I also still work hard at Eating Hay when I can get to it - but don't tell anybody about that job.) So not only am I a Good Lookin horse, I am a hard working Good Lookin horse.

In my life since I was a racehorse and my mom was my groom, I've heard it all: Drop Dead Gorgeous, Freaking Handsome, Stormy Stud Muffin, The Most Beautiful Horse on the Planet... and I accept it graciously. You be the judge. Am I all of those things or what?


Well, Stormy, "sometimes when reality stares you in the face all you can do is accept it!" You are accepting the attention quite well. As well you should you are a very handsome guy.
Stormy, sometimes I think of the Willie Dixon blues lyrics:

Some folk built like this, some folk built like that
But the way I'm built, you shouldn't call me fat
Because I'm built for comfort, I ain't built for speed
But I got everything all the good girls need
I don't have no diamond, and I don't have no gold
But I've got a lot of lovin' and I want you to know
That I'm built for comfort, I ain't built for speed
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Hey! I co-wrote that song with him! (Little known fact)
Hmmmm, what does Phinneas say?
Jealous, jealous, jealous, but he handles it well and doesn't hold it against me. And Connie tells him he's the best to make him feel better.
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