Endurance.Net Ridecamp Archives

Best post I have ever!  You are a writer!!

 

> -------------- Original message -------------- 
> From: "Steph Teeter" <stephteeter@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> 
>
> > Bruce, you win the free Ridecamp Tshirt of the week :) 
> > 
> > Steph 
> > 
> > (see you at convention?) 
> > 
> > -----Original Message----- 
> > From: ridecamp-owner@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 
> > [mailto:ridecamp-owner@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx]On Behalf Of Bruce Weary DC 
> > Sent: Thursday, February 09, 2006 12:58 PM 
> > To: Ridecamp@xxxxxxxxxxxxx 
> > Subject: [RC] Endurance Horse on Letterman 
> > 
> > 
> > An endurance horse was a recent guest on the Dave Letterman show. 
> > Following is a transcript from the show: 
> > David Letterman:" Let's give him a big hand, he trotted in all the 
> > way from Auburn!" (Crowd roars) "Welcome to the show, you ol' hayburner!' 
> > Horse: "Thanks, Dave. Good to be here. Thought I was gonna be 
> > late. Really had to hoof 
> it over here." 
> > Dave: " So what's shakin' in the world of endurance riding these 
> > days?" 
> > Horse: "Lots, Dave. Convention's comin' up in about two weeks. 
> > Some great speakers, fabulous trade show. Good place to blow some bucks 
> > and learn square dancing. Lots of new riders coming into the sport. New 
> > vet standards, more international competition.They even got a committee 
> > of people lookin' out for my welfare." 
> > Dave: "Really? SPCA?" 
> > Horse: "Nope. AERC. And they're settin' the world standard in 
> > health and safety for the equine athlete." 
> > Dave: "How's that going?" 
> > Horse: "Pretty good. Pretty good. It's like joining a union. Ya 
> > see, they got these horse doctors, who check me out in all kinds of 
> > ways, and touch me in places I can't mention on TV. They do this before, 
> > during and after a ride, and if I'm not lookin' too shiny, they give me 
> > the rest of the afternoon off. I get to go back to the trailer and e
> at 
> > and drink as much as I like. Even take a nap if I want to. Someone then 
> > usually watches over me, wringin' their hands--all nervous like. Nothin' 
> > seems to make 'em happy until I pee and poop!" Then they smile, breathe 
> > a sigh of relief, and proudly inspect the quality of my work. Sometimes 
> > they're so proud they even bring a friend over to show them. So, I just 
> > keep eatin', and poopin'. If I don't, that there horse doctor is gonna 
> > reach into one end of me or the other and make it happen. It ain't 
> > pleasant, Dave." 
> > Dave: "I had no idea it was like that. How do you cope with that?" 
> > Horse: "Well, if you're lucky, you get placed with a rider who 
> > cares more about me eatin' and drinkin' and poopin' and peein', than 
> > holdin' his pants up or coverin' his walls. They got treeless saddles 
> > that feel good on my back, sheepskin covered girths so I don't chafe, 
> > and even these cute little overshoes they put on me. I guess it
> 's a way 
> > of accessorizin'. They paint numbers on my ass, but I don't know why. I 
> > can't even count to ten. I get lots of carrots, and baby talk (like I 
> > understand it). I get to wear a nice warm blanket at night, and all my 
> > meals are catered. If I get injured or have some other painful 
> > condition, after the ride they give me drugs that make me glad I got 
> > hurt! Sometimes my rider cracks enough beers where he ain't feelin no 
> > pain either. 
> > Dave: "So how far do they actually ride you? 
> > Horse: "Good question. They got rides anywhere from 25 to 100 
> > miles in a day." 
> > Dave: "In a single day?!!! Do they use more than one horse? Do 
> > the riders stop and sleep? Do you get to rest?!!!!!!!! 
> > Horse: "Take it easy, Dave. One horse. One rider. 24 hour time 
> > limit even for a 100 miler. But them there horse doctors keep a real 
> > close eye, and most riders care enough about us ponies that sometimes 
> > they'll pull us out ev
> en when the vet says we can go on. Cuz they KNOW 
> > us. And they're supposed to. We spend long hours, days, weeks, months, 
> > even years together. We rely on and protect each other. I'm usually the 
> > only one that's naked, but I'm used to it. 
> > Dave: "Ya know, I'm kind of a lazy guy. I'd be lookin' for a way 
> > to get out of that much work. Any tricks to that? 
> > Horse: "You betcha. I can do a pretty convincing limp. If the 
> > vet's not sure, I drop my head every other step. I can breathe really 
> > fast, and get a dull look in my eyes. I can refuse food and water, and 
> > act like I want to bite at my sides. These will usually get me the day 
> > off, and a lot of treats and lovin'. That anal tone thing is hard to 
> > fake though. I ain't that relaxed." 
> > Dave: "Well, It's been great having you here, tonight. Would you 
> > come back and tell us how you do at Tevis?" 
> > Horse "Glad to Dave. Unless I can think of a way to get out of it." 
> > (Band 
> plays. Horse exits. Fade to commercial) 
> > Dr. Quackenbush, cheesy Hollywood producer 
> > 
> > 
> > =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= 
> > 
> > Ridecamp is a service of Endurance Net, http://www.endurance.net. 
> > Information, Policy, Disclaimer: http://www.endurance.net/Ridecamp 
> > Subscribe/Unsubscribe http://www.endurance.net/ridecamp/logon.asp 
> > 
> > Ride Long and Ride Safe!! 
> > 
> > =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= 
> > 
> > 
> > 
> > =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= 
> > 
> > Ridecamp is a service of Endurance Net, http://www.endurance.net. 
> > Information, Policy, Disclaimer: http://www.endurance.net/Ridecamp 
> > Subscribe/Unsubscribe http://www.endurance.net/ridecamp/logon.asp 
> > 
> > Ride Long and Ride Safe!! 
> > 
> > =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= 
> >