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[RC] Parent's Dilemma: Riding and Non-Riding Children - Beth LeggieriBest parenting advice I ever got: ?Take what you get and do what you can.? It applies in every situation, including the dilemma of balancing the financial and time demands of riding/non-riding children. This seemingly simple phrase encompasses the complex individuality of each child, something so precious and not to be trifled with. One of the joys of parenting is watching each the ?bent? of each child unfold before you as they discover who they are. Our daughters are now 23 and 26. The younger daughter was crazy about horses before she could talk?when she saw pastured horses from the car windows she consistently responded with enthusiasm before she could utter the word ?horse??bouncing up and down in her car seat, etc. She whinnied before she could form a complete sentence. She galloped on all fours rather than walked. At age 3 she won a lead-line class, at 6 she was working Corriente steers from her pony that was shorter than the steers, and on and on. It was never too early, too late, too hot, or too cold to ride?the girl was flat horse crazy. And now at age 23 she is a confirmed life-long horsewoman, having returned to them after exploring other activities?cheerleading, intensive study of classical dance, etc. The older daughter expressed mild interest in the horses, but as a dutiful firstborn she was perhaps more motivated by preserving family unity and pleasing mom than following a passion. I also think she found the younger one?s single-minded emotional investment and well-developed equine knowledge base to be intimidating. She could have been pressed into more horse activities given her compliant nature, but clearly it was an effort on her part to participate even minimally. I believe it is important to avoid the temptation of manipulating our children to participate in those activities we prefer; they must be encouraged and allowed to explore their own interests. To do otherwise is disrespect. The older daughter meanwhile became an important part of the family horse effort by preparing a meal for us on lesson night when younger sister was with the trainer?at the time she was just developing an interest in cooking, one she has continued to enjoy. Her contribution was unselfish and much appreciated. As an adolescent she quit riding altogether and developed a wide range of interests, becoming versatile and accomplished with her choices. And yes, there was a period in which we thought we were ?through with horses?--the horses were sold as each daughter pursued adolescent interests. We entered a different phase of family life, one in which horses did not play a part. But we all know that if you are truly horse crazy it doesn?t go away?just lies dormant and returns with a vengeance. So now we?re at it again?and enjoying it that much more. And how poignant to now hear the non-riding adult daughter call from her home in a different city to say, ?Mom, I?d love to come home and see you. Do you have a horse gentle enough for me to ride?? And as in so many phases of life, a role reversal has occurred--the non-riding daughter recognizing and respecting the abiding joy that horses bring to me and now wanting to share in that. And now as well, the particular humor I find in the riding daughter?s expressed concern for MY safety (after all those years of obsessing over HER safety!) ??Mom, I don?t think you should be riding such-and-such-horse as it?s not that safe? . . .or . . . ?that trail is really dangerous.? We?ve come full circle! And horses are once again at the center.
Beth Leggieri Denton, TX "My treasures do not chink or glitter, They gleam in the sun and neigh in the night" - Bedouin Proverb Or . . . The Middle-Aged Endurance Rider's Lament: "If you're gonna be stupid, you gotta be tough."
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