Yes, it's true. She went thru her mid life crisis and came to the sale
barn and bought me.
I spent my whole life misbehaving and being passed
from Greenhorn to Greenhorn till someone finally got smart and sent me to the
sale barn. I was seriously hoping to be picked up by one of those show horse
fella's so I could live in a fancy barn and stand around and look pretty, but
they told me my butt's too small, my heads too big, and the crest on my neck
from a bout with grass founder (thanks to owner number 2) is not desirable,
and in general I was just not that capable of looking pretty, so I went home
with Phyllis instead.
She pets me and loves me, and in general I had a
pretty good life at first. Then she heard about those guys who whisper to
horses. Life has never been the same.
First there was Pat. At Pat's
clinic Phyllis learned to twirl a big stick and chase me around a round pen
till I was ringing wet with sweat. Once I had quote "calmed down" (I was
never really fired up in the first place till that guy came at me with the
stick like an idiot) she began learning to ride me with no bridle. Talk about
giving an old spoiled horse an opportunity to have some fun! Initially I went
along with it. I'd lope around the pen real nice like, and everyone would oooh
and cooo over my natural horse abilities. Then, just when everyone had
gathered around to watch, I would see the SCARIEST!! (tehehehe) Shadow in the
history of scary shadows and switch directions and take off with my rider
clinging terrified to my back. Every other horse on the place was envious of
me because their owners would take them out back and beat them with that
overpriced stick when no one was watching, but I knew my Phyllis would not.
Eventually Philly (as I like to call her) gave up on the whole natural
horse idea when Pat tried to talk her into jumping me without a bridle over
some barrels.
Off we went in search of another guru. In our search we
found Monty. He threw a string at a horse and talked to the horse with winks
and stares. I spent some time with his clinic horses. I saw the demnostration
where an unbroken 2 year old became an overnight Reiner. Later I talked to the
2 year old. He was actually 5 and had been doing this same routine for about 5
clinics now. The first time Phyllis broke out the string I again, went along
with it. Well, until she got tired of me stopping and looking at her like she
was stupid. When she went to get herself a glass of water and refer to that
chapter in Monty's book I grabbed the string and chewed it to pieces.
And this is how I got my Jolly ball!
Then there was the Indian
fella with a name I can't pronounce. To get the full effect of his clinic
Philly painted stuff on my body and put feathers in my hair. I looked like I
was in a Costume class, but hey whatever floats your boat. I thought maybe at
least with this guy we might get to play Indian(Native American) pony games
and have mock battles or something but no. More round pen work and gimmicks.
This time there was a fire in the middle of the round pen and they danced
around it while praying that I would become a good horse and always mind my
owner. He only took her for a couple thousand pelts and a bottle of firewater.
There's been the Australian guy. Training with a Boomerang while he
hopped around like a kangaroo and called me his mate. "Sorry fella, your cute
and all but my mate has 4 legs. I Just don't' swing interspecies."
A
horse psychic who told Phyllis my momma didn't lick me enough when I was born.
A guy who used his hands like ears to talk to me and of course the
touchy feely lady.
I can't complain though I've got an owner who loves
me and has devoted her time to trying to make me a better horse. I really
should behave, really I should, but I think I am contributing to her youth by
giving her a reason to take me to all these clinics. Maybe the next clinic
will involve turning me out with the mustangs so I find my inner wild
stallion.