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Jokes
How many riders does it take to change a
light bulb?
WESTERN PLEASURE RIDERS: Oh, my God, someone
fix that bulb, I have to have light so that my silver and spangles all
glow to their best and so that all the highlighter on Old Peanut Head
makes his nose look so smooth and sparkly, and oh, my diamond studs have
to flash in the light, you know, so oh, someone has to fix it -- oh,
maybe you without all the silver on your saddle, obviously you can't
ride, you can do it.
ENDURANCE RIDER: Light bulb? Do you
mind, I'm trying to get my horse's pulse / respiration / hydration
levels to respectable levels. Once that is done, I have another 50 miles
to go before I can even think about changing a light bulb.
DRESSAGE QUEEN: Change a light bulb? Are you joking? I
couldn't possibly be expected to subject myself to such a menial task.
Change it yourself. Oh, and wash your hands when you are finished. The
very thought!
CLASSICAL DRESSAGE QUEEN: These things cannot
be rushed, but must be approached slowly, with great patience, and
adherence to the principles laid down by the classical masters,
otherwise the light bulb will not attain its true potential, but will
forever just be a shadow of its true self. Never, ever, use any type of
gadget when changing the light bulb. That is an offense to the
principles of classical light bulb changing.
EVENTER: Wuss!
As soon as my arm is out of this sling broken after falling off at that
large stone wall while riding Hell Bent for Leather cross-country, I'll
change it. Until then, deal with the dark. It'll put hair on your chest.
Only dressage riders require lights, anyway.
SHOW JUMPER: Why
on Earth would I need to change a light bulb when the whole world knows
that the sun shines out of my ass. Why, when I release over a jump, the
spectators are practically blinded.
NATURAL HORSEMAN: You
must instill respect in the light bulb, so that it sees you as the Alpha
light bulb, using "light bulb dynamics" (video set available at $179.00
on my Website). Once you have done this, you will find that there is
really no need to change the light bulb at all, but that the light bulb
will, with very little coaxing from you (using patented "light bulb
coaxer" designed by me - $99.00 each, for extra $49.99 you get a
introductory video thrown in) will behave as all good light bulbs
should.
HUNTER RIDER: Well, I'm waiting for my trainer to
tell me exactly how but he's changing light bulbs somewhere else right
now.
G.Affleck