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[RC] [RC] New Year's for Horses. - Mary

 
NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS FOR HORSES:
 
I CAN walk and poop at the same time. I can, I can, I can
I will NOT stop and poop or urinate every time I pass the same
spot in the arena. 
I will NOT leave when my rider falls off.
My stall is NOT my litter box. When I have free access to my
paddock, I will NOT go back inside to pee.
I will NOT roll in streams or try to roll when my human is on
my back.
I will NOT leap over large nonexistent obstacles when the whim
strikes.
I will NOT walk faster on the way home than I did on the way out.
I promise NOT to swish my tail while my human is cleaning my back
feet.
I promise also NOT to choose that particular time to answer
nature's call.
I will NOT bite my farrier's butt just because it is there.
I will NOT confuse my human's blond hair for really soft hay.
I will NOT wipe green slime down the back of my human's white
shirt.
I will NOT blow my nose on my human.
I will NOT try to mooch goodies off every human within a 1 mile
radius.
I will NOT lay totally flat out in my stall with my eyes glazed
over and my legs straight out and pretend I can't hear my human
frantically screaming "Are you asleep?"
I will NOT chase the ponies into the electric fence to see if it
is on.
I will promise NEVER to dump the wheelbarrow of manure over while
a human is mucking my stall.
I will NOT grab my lead rope in my mouth and attempt to lead
myself.
I will NOT have an attitude problem. I won't, I won't, I won't!
I will NOT pull my new shoes off the very next day just to prove
that I can.
I am neither a beaver nor a carpenter. I promise I won't eat or
remodel the barn or the new fences.
I WILL forgive my human for the very bad haircut, even though I
look like a freak.
I accept that not every carrot is for me.
I will NOT do the Arab Teleport Trick when a bad/naughty/awful
Horsasaurus Monster breathes at me.
I will NOT jump in the air and turn 180 degrees every time I see a
bicycle.
I will understand that bicycles are NOT carnivorous.
I will NOT shy at familiar objects just for fun.
I will NOT bite the butt of the horse in front of me during the
trail ride just to say "Hi".
I WILL put my ears forward and cooperate when it comes to
 photos.