Re: CREWING(Long)

[Teddy Lancaster <Teddy@runningbear.com>]

GREAT article...you should submit it to AERC News!!!!!

Teddy

Budler, Cindy wrote:

> I enclose a article written by a good friend of ours in 1992 - The
> Grooms Lament- written after crewing countless times for his wife at
> Fauresmith (the national 3 day finals).I have tried to explain the
> "local" referances.
> Enjoy!!!!
>
>
>                                 The Grooms Lament
>
> The term "underprivileged classes" has been well-defined and usually
> conjures up the image of persons living under conditions of extreme
> hardship in squalid poverty.
>
> There is however a small but significant sub-specie of the
> underprivileged class , the Groomus Enduricandum downtrodennicus ,
> member of which , while they may give the outward impression of
> belonging to the privileged strata of society , are seriously
> underprivileged in other ways.
>
> The plight of this unfortunate and pitiful band has been widely ignored
> by those self-styled "champions of the underdogs" , the liberal press.
>
> This is either because the reporting of our wretched existence would not
> sell enough newspapers , or , taking the kindlier view , the liberal
> journalists are genuinely unaware of the abuses and hardships we endure
> , not only at the hands of the riders whom we loyally and unselfishly
> serve , but also from their horses.
>
> I speak of the latter from bitter experience. I am one of the many
> grooms whose right arm is a foot longer than the left after having been
> yanked out of its socket more times than I care to remember by hyped-up
> horses ,who get more nervous during the ride than a long-tailed cat in a
> room full of rocking chairs. I also , along with others of my breed ,
> have toes like seal flippers- the result of countless horses dancing a
> "vastrap" (square-dance) on my feet.
>
> The horses I can forgive. They are after  all God's "dumb creatures"
> (Although I  am not so sure at times!!) I feel less forgiving towards
> the riders since the Lord supposedly endowed them with a higher level of
> intelligence( again I doubt this at times!)
>
> But , maybe I should be more forgiving. A mental patient cannot help
> being mad and many endurance riders are of course raving schizophrenics.
> At home , the loved ones we groom for are kind, thoughtful , caring
> persons. Before and after a ride , however , they undergo a complete
> personality change and adopt the temperament of a scorpion with a
> serious "babbelas"(hangover) to the extent that Hitler and Attila the
> Hun seem like kindly old uncles by comparison.
>
> Those loving gestures we receive in the home environment from these very
> same people are replaced by savage cuts with the crop and well directed
> kicks when one is bending over a water bucket. (This is why many of us
> have bucket-shaped heads) My wife , for example , has perfected a karate
> type kick-back. Mercifully she doesn't wear spurs otherwise I would now
> be the oldest boy soprano in the Western Transvaal.
>
> Similarly , the kindly words we hear at home are replaced by the most
> hideous abuse snarled through foam-flecked lips in the most fearful
> language which has been known on some endurance rides to cause whole
> fields of lucerne(alfalfa) to wither and die.
>
> Among the more unreasonable comments we have to endure are:
>
> "You're towing too fast"(You are actually doing 60 kmph)
>
> "Why are we grooming so far from the toilet?" (Because your riders
> starting time was late and all the places near the loo were taken when
> you reached the checkpoint)
>
> "He won't drink this water. Why didn't you bring a contained full from
> the showground?" (Because the horse didn't tell you before the ride that
> he didn't like the water at MNR....se plaas)(Mister....'s farm)
>
> "Why didn't you dry out the numnah I used on the first leg?" (Because it
> has been raining all day and silly me I clean forgot to load a generator
> and tumble drier in the bakkie(van))
>
> "How did it go?"(After a vet check) " He was eliminated - pulse too
> high/interfering" - "You fool!! You should have sponged him down
> more/told me to use brushing boots./taken him to a different vet!!"
>
> "Go ahead to..... and throw water on the horse as I ride past" (This is
> the time when one employs a little-known technique known as the Grooms'
> Revenge - you "accidently" throw water, preferably dirty, over the rider
> instead.)
>
> "There is no paper in the toilet. Why didn't you bring some?"(By this
> time I'm normally several Castle's(beer) downwind - we grooms have to
> aneasthetise ourselves - and am tempted to tell her to use a empty beer
> can and her imagination!)
>
> Of course none of these reasons are acceptable to the rider - the groom
> is always in the wrong. Indeed , the tasks of we unsung heroes has , I
> believe, a higher risk profile than riding shotgun for Eugene
> Terreblanche through Soweto!
>
> Therefore , Brother and Sister Grooms , the time has come to rise up and
> fight this oppression. We must rally together and form a Grooms Union.
> Our Coat Of Arms should depict a groom with buckets standing on top of a
> pile of manure with  a rider half buried in the pile. The Latin
> inscription underneath should read "Nil Illegitemi Carborundum" (Don't
> let the b....s grind you down)
> .
>
> IF you riders are now deeply offended , worry not!!!! It's all tongue in
> cheek. The real reason we groom for you is because we love you and our
> horses. We are deeply proud of your courage, fortitude and achievements.
> A few days feeling the rough edge of your tongue during the season is
> therefore a small price to pay for the privilege of serving you and your
> horses in this noble sport.
>
> Kind permission of Mike Walker
>
> Cindy Budler
> National Contracts Department
> Fabrication Division
> Afrox
> South Africa
> Tel :27 011 871-1000
> e-mail: natcon@afrox.boc.com