Check it Out!    
RideCamp@endurance.net
[Date Prev] [Date Next] [Thread Prev] [Thread Next]
[Date Index] [Thread Index] [Author Index] [Subject Index]

CREWING(Long)



I enclose a article written by a good friend of ours in 1992 - The
Grooms Lament- written after crewing countless times for his wife at
Fauresmith (the national 3 day finals).I have tried to explain the
"local" referances.
Enjoy!!!!
		

				The Grooms Lament

The term "underprivileged classes" has been well-defined and usually
conjures up the image of persons living under conditions of extreme
hardship in squalid poverty.

There is however a small but significant sub-specie of the
underprivileged class , the Groomus Enduricandum downtrodennicus ,
member of which , while they may give the outward impression of
belonging to the privileged strata of society , are seriously
underprivileged in other ways.

The plight of this unfortunate and pitiful band has been widely ignored
by those self-styled "champions of the underdogs" , the liberal press.

This is either because the reporting of our wretched existence would not
sell enough newspapers , or , taking the kindlier view , the liberal
journalists are genuinely unaware of the abuses and hardships we endure
, not only at the hands of the riders whom we loyally and unselfishly
serve , but also from their horses.

I speak of the latter from bitter experience. I am one of the many
grooms whose right arm is a foot longer than the left after having been
yanked out of its socket more times than I care to remember by hyped-up
horses ,who get more nervous during the ride than a long-tailed cat in a
room full of rocking chairs. I also , along with others of my breed ,
have toes like seal flippers- the result of countless horses dancing a
"vastrap" (square-dance) on my feet.

The horses I can forgive. They are after  all God's "dumb creatures"
(Although I  am not so sure at times!!) I feel less forgiving towards
the riders since the Lord supposedly endowed them with a higher level of
intelligence( again I doubt this at times!)

But , maybe I should be more forgiving. A mental patient cannot help
being mad and many endurance riders are of course raving schizophrenics.
At home , the loved ones we groom for are kind, thoughtful , caring
persons. Before and after a ride , however , they undergo a complete
personality change and adopt the temperament of a scorpion with a
serious "babbelas"(hangover) to the extent that Hitler and Attila the
Hun seem like kindly old uncles by comparison.

Those loving gestures we receive in the home environment from these very
same people are replaced by savage cuts with the crop and well directed
kicks when one is bending over a water bucket. (This is why many of us
have bucket-shaped heads) My wife , for example , has perfected a karate
type kick-back. Mercifully she doesn't wear spurs otherwise I would now
be the oldest boy soprano in the Western Transvaal.

Similarly , the kindly words we hear at home are replaced by the most
hideous abuse snarled through foam-flecked lips in the most fearful
language which has been known on some endurance rides to cause whole
fields of lucerne(alfalfa) to wither and die.

Among the more unreasonable comments we have to endure are:

"You're towing too fast"(You are actually doing 60 kmph)

"Why are we grooming so far from the toilet?" (Because your riders
starting time was late and all the places near the loo were taken when
you reached the checkpoint)

"He won't drink this water. Why didn't you bring a contained full from
the showground?" (Because the horse didn't tell you before the ride that
he didn't like the water at MNR....se plaas)(Mister....'s farm)

"Why didn't you dry out the numnah I used on the first leg?" (Because it
has been raining all day and silly me I clean forgot to load a generator
and tumble drier in the bakkie(van))

"How did it go?"(After a vet check) " He was eliminated - pulse too
high/interfering" - "You fool!! You should have sponged him down
more/told me to use brushing boots./taken him to a different vet!!"

"Go ahead to..... and throw water on the horse as I ride past" (This is
the time when one employs a little-known technique known as the Grooms'
Revenge - you "accidently" throw water, preferably dirty, over the rider
instead.)

"There is no paper in the toilet. Why didn't you bring some?"(By this
time I'm normally several Castle's(beer) downwind - we grooms have to
aneasthetise ourselves - and am tempted to tell her to use a empty beer
can and her imagination!)

Of course none of these reasons are acceptable to the rider - the groom
is always in the wrong. Indeed , the tasks of we unsung heroes has , I
believe, a higher risk profile than riding shotgun for Eugene
Terreblanche through Soweto!

Therefore , Brother and Sister Grooms , the time has come to rise up and
fight this oppression. We must rally together and form a Grooms Union.
Our Coat Of Arms should depict a groom with buckets standing on top of a
pile of manure with  a rider half buried in the pile. The Latin
inscription underneath should read "Nil Illegitemi Carborundum" (Don't
let the b....s grind you down)
.

IF you riders are now deeply offended , worry not!!!! It's all tongue in
cheek. The real reason we groom for you is because we love you and our
horses. We are deeply proud of your courage, fortitude and achievements.
A few days feeling the rough edge of your tongue during the season is
therefore a small price to pay for the privilege of serving you and your
horses in this noble sport.

Kind permission of Mike Walker




Cindy Budler
National Contracts Department
Fabrication Division
Afrox
South Africa
Tel :27 011 871-1000
e-mail: natcon@afrox.boc.com



    Check it Out!    

Home Events Groups Rider Directory Market RideCamp Stuff

Back to TOC