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Re: CREWING(Long)



Loved the article!  Promptly forwarded it to my husband's e-mail address at
work.  He's still licking his "wounds" from a WV ride held over a week ago!
LOL!  Thanks for the laugh!

Susan Swope
SE Region
Kentucky
-----Original Message-----
From: Budler, Cindy <natcon@afrox.boc.com>
To: Endurance Net <ridecamp@endurance.net>
Date: Monday, November 16, 1998 8:21 AM
Subject: CREWING(Long)


>I enclose a article written by a good friend of ours in 1992 - The
>Grooms Lament- written after crewing countless times for his wife at
>Fauresmith (the national 3 day finals).I have tried to explain the
>"local" referances.
>Enjoy!!!!
>
>
> The Grooms Lament
>
>The term "underprivileged classes" has been well-defined and usually
>conjures up the image of persons living under conditions of extreme
>hardship in squalid poverty.
>
>There is however a small but significant sub-specie of the
>underprivileged class , the Groomus Enduricandum downtrodennicus ,
>member of which , while they may give the outward impression of
>belonging to the privileged strata of society , are seriously
>underprivileged in other ways.
>
>The plight of this unfortunate and pitiful band has been widely ignored
>by those self-styled "champions of the underdogs" , the liberal press.
>
>This is either because the reporting of our wretched existence would not
>sell enough newspapers , or , taking the kindlier view , the liberal
>journalists are genuinely unaware of the abuses and hardships we endure
>, not only at the hands of the riders whom we loyally and unselfishly
>serve , but also from their horses.
>
>I speak of the latter from bitter experience. I am one of the many
>grooms whose right arm is a foot longer than the left after having been
>yanked out of its socket more times than I care to remember by hyped-up
>horses ,who get more nervous during the ride than a long-tailed cat in a
>room full of rocking chairs. I also , along with others of my breed ,
>have toes like seal flippers- the result of countless horses dancing a
>"vastrap" (square-dance) on my feet.
>
>The horses I can forgive. They are after  all God's "dumb creatures"
>(Although I  am not so sure at times!!) I feel less forgiving towards
>the riders since the Lord supposedly endowed them with a higher level of
>intelligence( again I doubt this at times!)
>
>But , maybe I should be more forgiving. A mental patient cannot help
>being mad and many endurance riders are of course raving schizophrenics.
>At home , the loved ones we groom for are kind, thoughtful , caring
>persons. Before and after a ride , however , they undergo a complete
>personality change and adopt the temperament of a scorpion with a
>serious "babbelas"(hangover) to the extent that Hitler and Attila the
>Hun seem like kindly old uncles by comparison.
>
>Those loving gestures we receive in the home environment from these very
>same people are replaced by savage cuts with the crop and well directed
>kicks when one is bending over a water bucket. (This is why many of us
>have bucket-shaped heads) My wife , for example , has perfected a karate
>type kick-back. Mercifully she doesn't wear spurs otherwise I would now
>be the oldest boy soprano in the Western Transvaal.
>
>Similarly , the kindly words we hear at home are replaced by the most
>hideous abuse snarled through foam-flecked lips in the most fearful
>language which has been known on some endurance rides to cause whole
>fields of lucerne(alfalfa) to wither and die.
>
>Among the more unreasonable comments we have to endure are:
>
>"You're towing too fast"(You are actually doing 60 kmph)
>
>"Why are we grooming so far from the toilet?" (Because your riders
>starting time was late and all the places near the loo were taken when
>you reached the checkpoint)
>
>"He won't drink this water. Why didn't you bring a contained full from
>the showground?" (Because the horse didn't tell you before the ride that
>he didn't like the water at MNR....se plaas)(Mister....'s farm)
>
>"Why didn't you dry out the numnah I used on the first leg?" (Because it
>has been raining all day and silly me I clean forgot to load a generator
>and tumble drier in the bakkie(van))
>
>"How did it go?"(After a vet check) " He was eliminated - pulse too
>high/interfering" - "You fool!! You should have sponged him down
>more/told me to use brushing boots./taken him to a different vet!!"
>
>"Go ahead to..... and throw water on the horse as I ride past" (This is
>the time when one employs a little-known technique known as the Grooms'
>Revenge - you "accidently" throw water, preferably dirty, over the rider
>instead.)
>
>"There is no paper in the toilet. Why didn't you bring some?"(By this
>time I'm normally several Castle's(beer) downwind - we grooms have to
>aneasthetise ourselves - and am tempted to tell her to use a empty beer
>can and her imagination!)
>
>Of course none of these reasons are acceptable to the rider - the groom
>is always in the wrong. Indeed , the tasks of we unsung heroes has , I
>believe, a higher risk profile than riding shotgun for Eugene
>Terreblanche through Soweto!
>
>Therefore , Brother and Sister Grooms , the time has come to rise up and
>fight this oppression. We must rally together and form a Grooms Union.
>Our Coat Of Arms should depict a groom with buckets standing on top of a
>pile of manure with  a rider half buried in the pile. The Latin
>inscription underneath should read "Nil Illegitemi Carborundum" (Don't
>let the b....s grind you down)
>.
>
>IF you riders are now deeply offended , worry not!!!! It's all tongue in
>cheek. The real reason we groom for you is because we love you and our
>horses. We are deeply proud of your courage, fortitude and achievements.
>A few days feeling the rough edge of your tongue during the season is
>therefore a small price to pay for the privilege of serving you and your
>horses in this noble sport.
>
>Kind permission of Mike Walker
>
>
>
>
>Cindy Budler
>National Contracts Department
>Fabrication Division
>Afrox
>South Africa
>Tel :27 011 871-1000
>e-mail: natcon@afrox.boc.com
>




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