Forgive me all if i forward something i find
most humorus in this time when RC is a little bit too serious and we loose track
of whats most important. FUN ts
History Tests
> >The following
excerpts are actual answers given on history tests and >in Sunday school
quizzes by children in 5th and 6th grade in Ohio. They >were collected
over a period of three years by two teachers. Read >carefully for
grammar, misplaced modifiers, and of course, spelling! > >>
>
---------------------------------------------------------------------- >Ancient
Egypt was old. It was inhabited by gypsies and mummies who >all wrote in
hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of >the Sarah
is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere. > >>
>
---------------------------------------------------------------------- >Moses
led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made >unleavened bread,
which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went >up
on >Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandos. He died before he
ever >reached Canada but the commandos made it. > >> >
---------------------------------------------------------------------- >Solomon
had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. He was >a actual
hysterical figure as well as being in the bible. It sounds >like he was
sort of busy too. > >> >
---------------------------------------------------------------------- >The
Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we >wouldn't
have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a young >female
moth. > >> >
---------------------------------------------------------------------- >Socrates
was a famous old Greek teacher who went around giving >people advice.
They killed him. He later died from an overdose of >wedlock which is
apparently poisonous. After his death, his career >suffered a dramatic
decline. > >> >
---------------------------------------------------------------------- >In
the first Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled >biscuits, and
threw the java. The games were messier then than they >show on tv
now. > >> >
---------------------------------------------------------------------- >Julius
Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. >The Ides of
March murdered him because they thought he was going to >be made king.
Dying, he gasped out: "Same to you, Brutus." > >> >
---------------------------------------------------------------------- >Joan
of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard >Shaw for
reasons I don't really understand. The English and French >still
have problems. > >> >
---------------------------------------------------------------------- >Queen
Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen," As a queen she was a >success. When
she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted >"hurrah!" and
that was the end of the fighting for a long while. > >> >
---------------------------------------------------------------------- >It
was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg >invented
removable type and the Bible. Another important invention >was the
circulation of blood. > >> >
---------------------------------------------------------------------- >Sir
Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented >cigarettes
and started smoking. > >> >
---------------------------------------------------------------------- >Sir
Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper >which was
very dangerous to all his men. > >> >
---------------------------------------------------------------------- >The
greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. >He was born
in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never >made much money
and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote >tragedies, comedies,
and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. > >> >
---------------------------------------------------------------------- >Writing
at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He >wrote Donkey
Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton >wrote Paradise
Lost. Since then no one ever found it. > >> >
---------------------------------------------------------------------- >Delegates
from the original 13 states formed the Contented >Congress. Thomas
Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two >singers of the
Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered >electricity by
rubbing two cats backward and also declared, "A horse
>divided >against itself cannot stand." He was a naturalist
for sure. Franklin died >in >1790 and is still
dead. > >> >
---------------------------------------------------------------------- >Abraham
Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's >mother died in
infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he >built with his own
hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the >Emasculation
Proclamation. > >> >
---------------------------------------------------------------------- >On
the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got >shot
in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They >believe
the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane >actor.
This ruined Booth's career. > >> >
---------------------------------------------------------------------- >Johann
Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large >number of
children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which >he
kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach
was >the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel.
Handel was half >German, half Italian, and half English. He was very
large. > >> >
---------------------------------------------------------------------- >Beethoven
wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf >that he wrote loud
music and became the father of rock and roll. >He took long walks in the
forest even when everyone was calling for >him. Beethoven expired
in 1827 and later died for this. > >> >
---------------------------------------------------------------------- >The
nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and >inventions.
People stopped reproducing by hand and started >reproducing by machine.
The invention of the steamboat caused a network of >>rivers to spring
up. > >> >
---------------------------------------------------------------------- >Cyrus
McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of >>a
hundred men. >> > > > >> >
---------------------------------------------------------------------- >Louis
Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits but I don't know why. >> >
> > >> >
---------------------------------------------------------------------- >Charles
Darwin was a naturalist. He wrote the Organ of the >Species. It was very
long people got upset about it and had trials >>to see if it was
really true. He sort of said God's days were not just 24
>>hours >>but without watches who knew anyhow? I
don't get it. >> > > > >> >
---------------------------------------------------------------------- >Madman
Curie discovered radio. She was the first woman to do what >she did.
Other women have become scientists since her but they >>didn't get to
find radios because they were already taken. >> > >
> >> >
---------------------------------------------------------------------- >Karl
Marx was one of the Marx Brothers. The other three were in the >movies.
Karl made speeches and started revolutions. Someone in the >family had
to have a job, I
guess. >> >
