just put horse down

["robert and carla lawson" <robandcarla@hotmail.com>]

For those of you that know me or have read my posts I have had the worst 
setback in my life today. I had to put my four year old mare down. Baru was 
waiting for me in the field and as I approached her she never moved but to 
just turn around and watch me come into the field. I noticed her foot 
dangling and knew that this wasn't good.
Have you ever ran back to get something and it be the longest run you ever 
make? You can't move fast enough? Your thoughts ramble who to call first. I 
page hubby to come back and then call vet. I call vet and tell them to come 
out. This is no offense to vets but why must they take forever? This was one 
time I guess I was glad he did. It gave me a chance to be with Baru and say 
goodbye. The broken leg very bad. I had to remove some of the wire by 
pulling her leg up and I had to feel her leg It wasn't pleasent. I had the 
choice of driving four hours away and hope that something could be done. I 
honestly knew that by choosing to put her down then and there I made a 
correct choice. I don't think it would have been fair to give her life that 
she didn't want to live. It was the hardest most unselfish decission I have 
ever made. I have gone through this before and I am glad that this time I 
choose to put her down instead of try to have her around as a pasture 
ornament hobbling around for me to pet on. She loved trail and she loved 
winning or being first. Rob got there and I sent him for a blanket for 
Baru,her feed and some water. She ate her breakfast I think she only did 
that to say look ma don't worry I will be okay. Rob fed Haley (his mare) to 
keep her busy and came to comfort me and Baru.
The vet came (to soon but not soon enough) coldly saying yep that is a bad 
break. (what happened to I am so sorry there is really nothing I can do?) He 
went back (i told him to take his time) I told Rob to say goodbye and take 
Haley to the Horse trailer and Don't look back for us I will come to you. My 
friends mom came and stayed with me. It is the hardest thing to keep a horse 
calm while you are trying to put them down. It is bad enough that they see 
you bawling. The vet stood there and double checked to see if she was gone. 
no pulse no eye reflex.etc etc. then kind of stood there and waited I told 
him to send me a damn bill he would get his money. I am good for it. (dealt 
with him in the past) I have gone through the same questions over and over 
and over till I have made myself sick. Honestly it was a freak accident. I 
could only have prevented till I am blue in the face.
  Baru would have won the tevis and done it over again. She gave me all of 
her heart and then some. Till the end she thought of me. She was everybit of 
a promise of a dream I have. I am not sure where I will start again. But I 
am sure she will be with me in heart watching with a couple of my friends. 
Thank you Baru for coming into my life when I needed you most. You came into 
my life just as I had found you needing me. I will sorely miss you until I 
see you at the end of rainbow brige.-Love Mom, Dad and your buddy Haley

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