No Subject

["Bruce Nagel" <nagl@midwest.net>]

Subject:	FW: BEER TROUBLESHOOTING 

        
  SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless. 
  FAULT:   Glass empty.
  ACTION:  Get someone to buy you another beer.
       
  SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. 
  FAULT:   You have fallen over backward.
  ACTION:  Have yourself lashed to bar.
        
  SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts. 
  FAULT:   You have fallen forward.
  ACTION:  See above.
        
  SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
  FAULT:   Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face. 
  ACTION:  Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.
       
  SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
  FAULT:   Glass being held at incorrect angle.
  ACTION:  Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
        
  SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
  FAULT:   Improper bladder control.
  ACTION:  Stand next to a dog, complain about her house training.
        
  SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
  FAULT:   You are looking through bottom of empty glass. 
  ACTION:  Get someone to buy you another beer.
        
  SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
  FAULT:   You are being carried out.
  ACTION:  Find out if you are being taken to another bar.
        
  SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
  FAULT:   Bar has closed.
  ACTION:  Confirm home address with bartender.
        
  SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures. 
  FAULT:   Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations. 
  ACTION:  Cover mouth.
   

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