Max

["guest@endurance.net" <guest@endurance.net>]

Chris and Star paus@prodigy.net
Please, no more email telling me how you would have done things differently. I've already heaped enough guilt on myself for every endurance rider in America. You weren't there. This is the most painful horse experience I've ever had in my life. I've never cried so hard and so long, not even when my former marriage broke up.

Max was like our child. We were there when he was conceived. We nurtured and raised him. We wanted only the best for him. I knew he would be too much horse for me with my physical limitations and I did my best to find him a great home.

His buyer did her best to find him safe transport to his new home. We trusted people who were supposed to know more than we did.

There are a zillion things I would do differently if I could turn back the clock. You don't have to live with the memory of a beautiful animal thrashing around in a blind panic. Every time I come and go from my house, the reminder is there in my driveway.

It does me, my husband, the buyer, and Max no good to hear how we should or shouldn't have done things.

I just have to trust God that he needed Max more than I did and more than his new "mom" did. I have to imagine Max in heaven doing his "shake hands" trick to beg for treats. 

I have to look forward and take care of the wonderful horses that are in my pasture now. I need to find peace and I won't find it if people keep telling me the things I did wrong.

chris