summer's is so close

["Karen J. Zelinsky" <kjz2@juno.com>]

Ha-ha-ha!!!  Great show-and-tell Tracy!!!  Yes, there IS life beyond
horses, i.e., non-horse posts on ridecamp.  I think we should have an
endurance-rider fashion show!  Walk down the runway in our horse-gear and
non-horse gear!  Anyhooo, keep writing this stuff!  Probably many of us
relate!

Karen


On Mon, 21 Aug 2000 10:27:16 +0200 "Tracey" <tracey@tbt.co.za> writes:
>Just had to share this.  Now, where did I put last year's bikini...
>
>
>I have just been through the annual pilgrimage of torture and 
>humiliation
>known as buying a bathing suit. When I was a child in the 1950's,the 
>bathing
>suit for a woman with a mature figure was designed
>for a woman with a mature figure - boned, trussed and reinforced, not 
>so
>much sewn as engineered.
>
>They were built to hold back and uplift and they did a good job.
>
>Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the pre-pubescent girl with a
>figure carved from a potato chip. The mature woman has a choice - she 
>can
>either front up at the maternity department and try on a floral suit 
>with a
>skirt, coming away looking like a hippopotamus who escaped from 
>Disney's
>Fantasia - or she can wander around every run-of-the-mill department 
>store
>trying to make a sensible choice from what amounts to a designer range 
>of
>fluorescent rubber bands.
>
>What choice did I have? I wandered around, made my sensible choice and
>entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room. The first 
>thing I
>noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the
>stretch material.   The Lycra used in bathing costumes was developed, 
>I
>believe, by NASA to launch small rockets from a slingshot, which give 
>the
>added bonus that if you manage to actually lever yourself into one, 
>you are
>protected from shark attacks. The reason for this is that any shark 
>taking a
>swipe at your passing midriff would immediately suffer whiplash.
>
>I fought my way into the bathing suit, but as I twanged the shoulder 
>strap
>in place, I gasped in horror - my bosom had disappeared.   Eventually, 
>I
>found one bosom cowering under my left armpit. It took a while to find 
>the
>other.  At last, I located it flattened beside my seventh rib. The 
>problem
>is  that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The mature woman is 
>meant to
>wear her bosom spread across her chest like a speed hump.
>
>
>I realigned my speed hump and lurched toward the mirror to take a full 
>view
>assessment. The bathing suit fitted all right, but unfortunately, it 
>only
>fit those bits of me willing to stay inside it.  The rest of me oozed 
>out
>rebelliously from top, bottom, and sides. I looked like a lump of play 
>dough
>wearing undersized cling rap.
>
>
>As I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the
>pre-pubescent sales girl popped head through the curtains, Oh there 
>you
>are - she said, admiring the bathing suit...I replied that I wasn't so 
>sure
>and asked what else she had to show me.
>
>
>I tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of 
>masking
>tape, and a floral two piece which gave the appearance of an oversized
>napkin in a serviette ring. I struggled into a pair of leopard skin 
>bathers
>with ragged frill and came out looking like Tarzan's Jane pregnant 
>with
>triplets and having a rough day.  I tried on a black number with a 
>midriff
>and looked like a jellyfish in mourning. I tried on a bright pink pair 
>with
>such a high cut leg I thought I would have to wax my eyebrows to wear 
>them.
>
>Finally, I found a suit that fitted ... a two piece affair with shorts 
>style
>bottom and a loose blouse-type top. It was cheap, comfortable, and 
>bulge
>friendly, so I bought it.  When I got home, I read the label which 
>stated
>that Material may become transparent in water.  I'm determined to wear 
>it
>anyway.....I'll just have to learn to do the breaststroke in the sand. 
>And,
>summer is sooooo close ....
>
>
>
>
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