Fw: RULES second printing

["Martin Macken" <mmacken@jps.net>]

----- Original Message -----
From: John B. Ayers <ayers@plainfield.bypass.com>
To: RIDECAMP <ridecamp@endurance.net>
Sent: Sunday, November 28, 1999 4:44 AM
Subject: RC: RULES


> Recognizing how much you gals want to improve
> relations with your "Significant Other" we offer the
> following for your assistance.
>
> John and Meshack
> http://www.bypass.com/~ayers (Vermont Equestrian Activities)
>
> RULES THAT GUYS WISH THAT GIRLS KNEW.......
>
>
> If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to
> answer.
>
> Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down.
>
> Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than
> short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that
> married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
>
> Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we
> can find the perfect present yet again!
>
> If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you
> don't want to hear.
>
> Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
>
> Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
> discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster
> trucks.
>
> Fall = hunting. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
> Let it be.
>
> Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
> Let it be.
>
> Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that
> way.
>
> When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
> Really!
>
> You have enough clothes.
>
> You have too many shoes.
>
> Crying is blackmail.
>
> Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
>
> Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't
> work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work.
> Just say it!
>
> No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on
> a calendar.
>
> Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss
> sometimes.
>
> Most guys own three pairs of shoes-what makes you think we'd be any
> good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your
dress?
>
>
> Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
>
> Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
> we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
>
> A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
>
> Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
>
> Check your oil.
>
> Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
>
> It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
> No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
>
> Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
>
> All comments become null and void after 7 days.
>
> If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to
> act like soap opera guys.
>
> If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
> makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
>
> Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.
>
> Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
>
> You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it
> done-not both.
>
> Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
> commercials.
>
> Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
>
> Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to
> complain about having their boobs stared at.
>
> More women should wear Wonderbras and low-cut blouses. We like staring
> at boobs.
>
> The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months
> we were going out.
>
> ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach is
> a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
>
> If it itches, it will be scratched.
>
> Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
>
> If it's OUR house, I don't understand why MY stuff gets thrown in the
> closet/attic/basement.
>
> We're not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading
> ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
>
> If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
> nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.
>
> If we hear from an old girlfriend, we will briefly fantasize about
> having sex with her. But don't worry; the fantasy includes you AND her,
> together.
>
> What the hell is a doily?
>
>
>
>
>
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> Ridecamp is a service of Endurance Net, http://www.endurance.net.
> Information, Policy, Disclaimer: http://www.endurance.net/RideCamp
> =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
>
>


=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Ridecamp is a service of Endurance Net, http://www.endurance.net.    
Information, Policy, Disclaimer: http://www.endurance.net/RideCamp   
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=