best and worst...

Susan Evans Garlinghouse (
Sun, 30 Nov 1997 21:22:05 -0800

And along the same lines as Best and Worst Tack...

Best Endurance Advice I Ever Got...

1) Get off and walk every now and then, for your sake if not the
horse's. Ignore your idiot horse who is doing back-flips down the trail
as other riders go yahooing and yodeling on past.

2) Walk for three to five minutes after your horse drinks to allow the
water to warm up in his belly. Use this period of time to explain to
your horse that despite his insistance on doing cartwheels, your
decision in this matter is a demonstration of your Benevolent
Dictatorship over him. Try to keep a straight face while telling him
this. Ignore your husband who is also rolling around on the ground
bellowing with laughter like a hyena.

3) Drink alot more water yourself than you think you want. Do not
mistake water, Gatorade, fruit juice or other Friendly Liquids with
beer, Mai-Tais and tequila shooters until after you've passed the finish
line and have once again decided you won't actually strangle the
four-legged sumbitch just yet.

Worst Endurance Advice I Ever Got...

1) "No, no, don't go spending money on a sports bra. Your everyday one
will do just fine." Twenty-five miles later I discovered Yet Another
Use for duct tape. The day after that I discovered that while duct tape
comes off of skin, it takes solvent to take off the sticky residue.
Said solvent also leaves blisters that earn you VERY odd looks in the
ladies locker room.

2) "Let me show you a short cut to ride camp...sure, there's a gas
station on the way." If I ever find this person again, I'm going to
nail his knees to the floor, tie his hands, stuff walnuts down the front
of his pants and lock him in a room with my pet squirrel William.

3) "Oh no, you'll never need a flashlight in your cantle bag. No one
EVER gets lost around here." I still get Christmas cards from Search
and Rescue.

Advice I Never Had the Guts To Actually Try Out...

1) "You don't have to worry about poison oak until the leaves turn

2) "Don't worry about those little cracks on the bottom of the hitch
welds. That just means they've settled in."

3) "That A-rab horse over yonder'll make a dandy endurance
prospect---hell, once we gelded him, got some
AceRompunTorbugesicandBeuthanasia into him, blindfolded him so we could
saddle him, tied up a leg so he couldn't kick and found a kid who was
dumb enough to actually get into the saddle, he hardly broke a sweat the
whole time he was running away down the middle of the freeway."