Ridecamp: [RC] If It's Sunday This Must Be Rome ...

... or is it Paris?  No .... it's Norco!!

Yes, hockey fans, I'm back with another installment of the continuing
drama of Braveheart and Chickenshit.  It appears that Sunday's are our
"let's take the Rubberband out and watch him s-t-r-e-t-c-h his way
through the riverbed," so you'll be hearing from me on a regular basis. 
Is that a groan I hear?  I'm a sucker for punishment (you should meet my
horse), go ahead, try and come up with something that will make me quit. 
I dare ya.  

On with the show ...

Sunday was suppose to be very hot, so we met at the barn at 8, to be out
the gate by 8:30.  By golly, we did it!!  How often does that happen? 
When you've got a horse 3 times the size of the Hindenberg it takes 30
minutes just to brush the darn thing, let alone the time it takes to set
up the extension ladder in order to put the saddle on!  I managed to
check my baggage and be in my seat before take off too!  What a feat!

The Caddie decided she was going to control the start this morning and
intimidated the Rubberband into staying behind her as we left the barn -
she's got some wicked glares.  Once we hit the trail, though, the
Rubberband could contain himself no longer, and went scooting past the
Caddie narrowly missing a nip in the haunches (something I avoided
telling Braveheart about).  The Caddie seemed to find all sorts of things
to startle at this morning.  Just at the house next door was the first of
many "I'm not going by that" episodes.  Five or six big metal post
supports (they appeared to be metal barn post supports) were sitting by
the side of the trail and RB (Rubberband) was quite certain something
devilishly evil lurked inside.  The Caddie walked past her young charge
and stuck her nose into the supports.  All the while an ear was cocked
his way as if to say, "Come hither my cowardly lion cub."  So, he did. 
When it was time to move on RB skittered to the coveted First spot and
zig zagged down the trail.  Zig zagged you say?  Why yes.  Every few
steps RB would find something he didn't want to be next to and would side
step over to the other side of the trail.  I felt like I was watching a
tennis match ... boink, boink, boink, boink, boink ... finally GAME, SET,
MATCH to the opponent Household Junk In The Front Yard.  We made it 4
whole houses before RB pulled another "I'm not going by that" episode.  

I'm one of those people that believes horses need to be allowed to be
horses as long as teeth and hooves don't come into play.  When the Caddie
makes with the witchy faces and the swishing tail, even a little teeth
grinding, I won't discipline her for it.  She has pretty much learned
years ago what will and what won't get her ass stung with the end of the
reins, so she took me by surprise when she let loose with a mighty kick
at RB as we were going passed all the junk in the front yard he wouldn't
pass.  The Caddie wasn't all that pleased with the stuff  either, but she
went by it with a leery eye.  I believe the guy getting out of the car
that was parked next to all the junk took RB by surprise.  That sent him
into a lunge right behind Caddie, which pissed her off to no end.  I felt
that leg come up and out and said a quick, "please don't connect."  Now
both horses are dancing sideways trying to find the "devil in the dark",
except it's standing there on 2 legs staring at us like we're from Mars. 
Braveheart is apologizing to me for running into us, and I'm apologizing
to her for the kick, it sounded like a big Love Fest, and what we should
have been doing is growling at the guy in the car, and the whole entire
time all it was was Numb Nuts (or should I say No Nuts) had an Arab
Moment.  It was over very quickly and we proceeded across the street. 
Half way across the street RB did a quick "reality check" when he almost
stepped on a water main cover, and then he resumed his zig zag down the
trail.

Nothing really scared him.  They were all just oopsies.  You know, those
sidesteps that don't interfere with forward motion, they just snap your
back from side to side as you travel down the path.  We were walking by a
house that neither horse particularly likes.  I made the mistake of
allowing the Caddie to walk on the outside of the trail fence next to the
street one time, and she has been quite insistent that she travel there
from that point forward - Hey, whatever gets me to my destination with
the least amount of trouble is all I'm concerned about, if I have to make
compromises with my horse I'm going to do it.  So, we're on the outside,
RB and Braveheart are on the inside, we're almost to the end of this
piece of property when RB decides Satan himself is on the other side of
the fence.  I would have given good money he was going to clear the
little fence that boarders the trail.  He offered this as one option to
Braveheart in order to rectify the situation, but she said no.  He
gathered himself, you could see him well up the courage, and flew by
Satan, finding solace and comfort in the awaiting arms of his giant
angel.  The 2 of them were deep in discussion after that.  You could just
see Caddie telling RB all sorts of horror stories as they walked down the
trail.

We were nearing the riverbed and the horses were walking side by side for
a change.  The Caddie was being quite mellow at this point, when suddenly
a loud snarl came from behind us that sent her into one of the biggest
sideways leaps she's performed in years.  I'm sure the only thing on RB's
mind was FREIGHT TRAIN!!!!  He leaped out into the street, skittering
around to see what was going on.  The Caddie, in the meanwhile, had
planted herself where she landed, gathering her composure.  The dog had
been lying in wait just for this moment.  The Caddie doesn't abide dogs. 
She normally ignores the ones that jump and bark at the fences as we go
by, but there are times when she delights in teasing the brutes.  She'll
feign an itchy nose, or the need to munch some grass, and lure the
loutish brutes up to the fence with pricked ears and batting eye lashes. 
She'll entice the devils to touch her nose and then she attacks!  She
lunges at the fence, striking with her front feet, baring her teeth and
snapping her jaws.  I have seen Rotweilers turn and run from her with
tails tucked.  She loves it!  The way she eyed that dog, I thought for
sure we were going to have to spend a few minutes allowing her some
revenge.  She walked over to the fence (the dog backed away, but
continued its tirade), and merely walked along as we had been doing
before the sneak attack.  Perhaps she wasn't in the mood for revenge at
the time, but I can guarantee you she'll have her day.  

The horses wanted to take flight when we got into the riverbed, but there
were 2 other riders in front of us, moving very slowly.  We asked if we
could pass on their left, and they said either side would be fine, so we
walked by them without incident.  As if on cue, as soon as we were by the
others, the race began.  Who was going to hold the First position?  The
Caddie was determined to keep it, but at a trot (shoot, at a canter for
that matter) RB just stretches out those legs and flies past her.  We try
to keep the pace at a trot, but short bursts of canter aren't going to
hurt.  The problem is in order for the Caddie to be in front at speed she
has to canter while RB trots, but when she canters RB wants to canter
too.  When he canters, she has to gallop, which in turn speeds him up
.... and on and on.  So RB has to be in front on the wide trails to keep
him from over extending himself.  We did a repeat of last weeks ride and
went under the freeway.  Once again RB didn't want to go through the
puddle of water, but at least this time Braveheart didn't have to get off
to get him over it (he walked too).  Because of his distaste for spurs,
Braveheart decided not to put them on this ride.  Well, it doesn't matter
if she uses spurs or not, RB just doesn't appreciate having his sides
kicked!  She gave him a little boot to get him to go across the puddle
and up comes a hind leg and around goes his head to snap at her toes. 
She boots him again and he picks up both hind legs (one after the other)
swinging them around and then goes after her toes again.  I was near
hysterics.  His body is twitching and turning and stretching and
fidgeting, not going anywhere near the water.  He stuck his nose in the
water and drank, and finally stuck a foot in the water.  Then the other
front foot (the hind feet remaining in one spot).  His weight was on his
rear, but he was slapping his front feet around in the water.  The
Rubberband snapped and all the energy stored in his hind end came
forward, undulating under Braveheart like a giant wave crashing on the
shores of his front feet.  All his weight was now on his front feet with
his hind ones stretched out behind.  He picked a hind foot up and
stretched it far under his belly almost clipping the front one, and in 2
mighty strides was out of the water prancing his way up the trail.  I
nudged Caddie into the little bit of runoff water and RB followed along
behind as though he'd been walking through water all his life.  We went
passed the other slimy puddle, turned around and went back.  At the
puddle Caddie just walked through, but RB would have none of it.  Two
reasons, it was a puddle, and there were 2 horses on the other side of it
waiting to cross.  After a few minutes the other 2 riders decided to go
around the puddle on the dry side of the weeds, and RB was quite upset
that he wasn't being allowed to do the same thing.  The Caddie was now
beginning to get a little pissed.  She was beginning to toss her head and
grunt and try to turn and leave.  I'm quite sure she told him something
dreadful because he took the plunge just as she was turning to leave and
the 2 went snorting through the paintball/bicycle jump course that is now
under the freeway.

Time to enter the trees.  RB goes first, trotting like there's no
tomorrow.  The Caddie falls in behind cantering.  Well, those pounding
feet were too much for RB and off he goes.  We're flying through the
trees, having a blast.  As long as we can see up ahead the horses feel it
is their rightful duty to practice staying on the trail.  Actually, I
think RB wanted to show us he remembered where the trail went and that he
was perfectly capable of staying on course going fast.  When we hit the
arundo caves I could hear Braveheart saying, "trot, Q, Trot ... TROT ...
Q!!!!"  He finally slowed to a mild trot, but a fraction too late for
Caddie and I.  A lot changes in there during a week, and the arundo has
fallen somewhat.  We turned a corner and there in front of me is a wall
of green!!  Too late for me to duck forward, all I can do is pretend I'm
doing the limbo.  Unfortunately I can't limbo!  I was hauling on the
emergency brakes and came to a dead halt just as the arundo came to rest
under my chin!  I had to have Caddie back up so I could lift the arundo
up and out of the way, but there was too much of it for me to lift, so I
leaned off onto the side and scooted under it that way.  Now, I ride with
a pretty loose cinch, and not being a lithe, shadow of a human being my
saddle got a little crooked.  RB was now out of sight, Caddie desperately
wanted to catch up, and I needed to adjust the saddle in addition to
avoiding more arundo.  Just as I was getting things back in proper order
we came hauling around another corner with more downed arundo.  This time
it was hanging so far down Caddie had to duck her head too.  Thank God
for good brakes!  When she wants to she obeys real well!!!  We came to
another screeching halt in the nick of time, and I managed to lift enough
of the arundo out of my way to get under it, but I had to take my hat off
to do it.  That is the ultimate crime for me.  Now I've got a head full
of ants, dust and God only knows what else.  By this time RB is long gone
and Caddie understands she must slow down.  We twist and turn and few
more times, and there they are, waiting for us.  How sweet.  Thank you. 
We continued on now that we were out of the arundo caves at breakneck
speed, turned a corner and ran smack dab into the rear of the 2 horses
we'd passed at the beginning of the riverbed.  We apologized profusely
for running up on them like that.  We didn't know they were in there, and
when they were told that RB was a youngster that was a little difficult
that morning, they accepted our apologies and said they understood.  We
stayed put for a few minutes to let them get ahead of us, but we caught
up to them a second time.  This time they let us pass them, and we had
Caddie go in front.  She was rearing to go, but her speed isn't"t as fast
as RB's, and we were able to bring the little firecracker down.  He tried
once to pass her, stepping on her hind foot in the attempt, but she made
it clear, in no uncertain terms, that he was to stay behind until the
trail opened up.  He did as he was told.

We decided today was a good day for more water, so instead of going home
we took another trail that led to a nice wide river crossing.  Two more
horses had joined us by this time.  One a young mare that I had ridden a
short distance with a few weeks ago.  She was smitten with RB and refused
to go without him.  It was too cute.  This woman's horse refused to
follow the buddy she was riding with unless RB went with them.  We got to
the river and I had Caddie walk in.  I figured we'd be there awhile, so
my plan was to go to the middle of the river, turn around and wait,
allowing Caddie plenty of time to drink the cool water and ease the heat
in her legs.  We'd gone maybe three horse lengths into the river when I
heard this splash .. WHOOSH!  RB was right next to us!!  I was covered
with water and Braveheart's mouth was wide open staring at us in
disbelief.  The only thing I could think of to say was, "well, that
didn't take as long as I thought it would."  Her reply, "I guess not." 
Now they didn't want to leave!  All four of us were standing in the
middle of the river.  RB and Caddie drinking and cooling themselves off,
one lady's horse taking the opportunity to eat marsh grass, and the other
lady's horse not willing to leave RB.  

We finally headed for shore and up the sand for a short distance to
another river crossing.  RB hesitated for just a second, but then walked
right in.  We hauled out of the river refreshed and ready for some more
speed.  RB took off first and we had a good trot going when he had
another, "I'm not going passed that" moment.  Caddie had now pretty much
had it with this, zig zag, stop and go routine.  The only thing in front
of us this time was a big, silver telephone pole.  Braveheart asked for
forward movement, but RB said, "to heck with you lady," and stepped
backwards right into Caddie.  Enough is enough!  The big mare bulldozed
her way passed RB depositing my foot and stirrup right up his "tail to
the side anus".  We are talking green foot here, and I use those great
big endurance stirrups too.  Aluminium, not plastic.  HELLO!!  RB was
looking like he'd just had a rectal exam!  I had to swing my foot and
stirrup up over Caddies hip, catching Braveheart in the thigh.  RB's eyes
are as big as saucers, Braveheart and I are laughing uncontrollably, and
Caddie is pissed because we aren't going anywhere.  It was a "damn I wish
I'd had THAT one on tape" moment.  We gathered ourselves and continued on
for a rather uneventful trip home.

It was as quiet as a mouse through Dog Bark Alley.  We chanced upon a
mule (Caddies favorite) and had to stop to talk.  Caddie was leaning over
the fence begging the long eared beauty to come say hi to her, but the
mule chose to go to RB first.  That ticked Caddie off and she pushed
herself between RB and the mule and forced an end to the conversation
with an abrupt departure.  Jealousy reared its ugly head.

Except for one last brain fart on RB's part, the ride home was pretty
dull.  We walked passed a clear plastic food container of some sort, RB
saw it before we got to it, but just as we passed it he kicked out with
both hind legs at it for good measure.  Caddie came through the gate with
her nose in front of RB's, and that was all she cared about.  She won. 
Even though RB kept trotting all the way back to the barn.  He won as far
as he's concerned.  I guess it all depends on where you put the finish
line.

Speaking of finish lines ... if you don't believe my story is true, go
ask that blind man, he saw it too.

Chickenshit   

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