Re: RC: Fear

[BMcCrary27@aol.com]

In a message dated 4/17/01 4:16:14 PM Pacific Daylight Time, 
penelope_75647@yahoo.com writes:


> If you are comfortable with riding the horse(s)
> you are keeping, I can't see a reason to put yourself
> through all the mental garbage and stress of
> "conquering your fear" . 


This is not to belittle anyone's advice about whether or not Rhonda should 
keep Knightmare, but I just had to share an anecdote from many years ago.
I've been afraid of falling for as long as I can remember.  As a child I 
could not walk across a tiny stream on a log, the log being perhaps two feet 
above the water.  Later on in life I discovered I couldn't walk anywhere near 
the edge of a cliff, not even a hundred feet away from the edge, because 
there was a huge void beyond it.  It wasn't just a fear of heights, it was a 
fear of falling off of them.  If there was a fence, a wall, a glass window, 
even something to hold onto, between me and the drop-off, and I knew I 
couldn't fall, I was pretty much OK.  I was telling my mother this in 
conversation one day.  She said, "Why do you keep putting yourself through 
this, why don't you just stop doing what(ever) you're doing?"  At that time, 
it was backpacking into the high (12,000 - 13,000 ft.) Sierras and scrambling 
cross-country without trails.  No high-tech mountain climbing but definitely 
getting ourselves into some scary (for me) situations.
I answered her, "Because, if I don't face my fears, I'm never going to 
overcome them."  I've come a very long way since then, an almost unbelievably 
long way.

I still get a panic attack over riding on a mountainside trail with a high 
cliff or bank on one side and a drop-off on the other.  Only if the edge of 
the trail has trees or bushes that help break my visual image of the 
drop-off, can I ride that trail with any degree of comfort.  It isn't just 
what is reality, it's what my eyes and brain perceive as danger.
I believe that verbalizing my fear at the time has been a big help.  I can 
only share my experiences with Rhonda, not advise her.

Barbara