RC: Fw: stallions/ethics/ and personal choices

["Maryna" <maryna@theriver.com>]

 

----- Original Message -----

From: Maryna

To: ridecamp-request@endurance.net

Sent: Monday, January 17, 2000 9:16 AM

Subject: Re: stallions/ethics/ and personal choices

The stallion question raises a number of  issues.  First, to the person who first wrote: MTO9831816@aol.com. let me be clear that the issue for me is not what kind of person you are, but how we evaluate the choices we make.  You obviously cared enough to think about the issue and make choices.  That speaks highly for you. Lif and I, and a few others it seems, would just believe that there are other better choices that could be made. 

 

    Nowhere more in the horse world do I find people accepting as gospel, advice that would be nonsensical in any other context.  When I used to do business advice in the horse world, we had a joke that otherwise perfectly normal, well informed people checked their brains at the barn door.  -- This does not apply to you -- just a general trend.  Now, I see this in all walks of life.  The test for any piece of information or advice is is this authentic -- does it ring true in your own internal system of ethic.  In order to do this scathingly honestly, you must be very, very clear about your own fear meter, particularly when one is dealing with horses.  Most people never do, and that is where problems occur.  Most over training or downright abuse comes from very fearful people, who are ego-bound and fear driven in their own lives.  We ALL experience this.  It just varies by degree -- and not all of us are honest about it.

 

    Horses will focus this conflict exquisitely and fast.  Stallions more so than others, because their communication is much more frank with humans.  The damper button is not on.  If you are anxious around stallions, or your stallion, because 6000 people have told you this is a "stallion" and you must have a healthy fear of him at all times -- then this is what you will bring to the equation, consciously or subconsciously, fear.  I am quite sure you adore your horse, and want to have a good relationship with him and have a horse you don't worry about with other people.   However, he will always be puzzled by the mixed signals between perhaps your voice and your actions, and the subconscious body language of fear that is like moving pictures to him, even if it is an invisible alphabet to us.  I am quite sure the QH stallion who finally dumped his rider had been giving, clear, loud signals for days, months, perhaps years that nobody paid any attention to.  QH stallions depending on how much TB is in them, are phlegmatic at best -- it takes a lot to piss them off.  But because of that I have seen them systematically overhandled because they are quiet and the handler wants to avert any problems that may be hiding.

 

    So gently, very gently, I say to you, be honest about your personal fear meter.  Once you can get a clear read on that, you will know what resources to turn to,  and whether you are the right person for this horse.  I think you can make great choices, but you will be fed a lot of bad advice from people who operate from fear based training. 

 

    Showing the horse who is boss, being alpha etc., etc. are all key words to fear based training.  Think respect.   What methods respectfully acknowledge that animal's nature and instincts.  What methods respectfully acknowledge your need and right to be safe and free from harm.  What methods respectfully merge the two.  We are talking the Golan Heights here.  How do we bridge the gap between two countries whose background, culture and language are totally different -- i.e. stallions and humans.  Bombs have been tried.  They don't work.  At best, they leave a DMZ , where everybody involved is resentful and fearful.  What Lif is suggesting, is that there are ways of "Getting to Yes", to quote a phrase from mediation, without harming the integrity of either one of the negotiating creatures.    Not necessarily easy, not simple, but very rewarding.  And as always, as we wrestle with the issues of clarity and communication with our horses, they have fallout in our lives as well.  Yargh...  Horses are a great boot camp for life, because when you screw up with them, the consequences are so immediate.  Sigh..  So been there, done that.   Onward through the fog.