"So what do you use to protect yourself
when riding alone?"
"Why would anyone ride
alone? "
"Horses are herd animals, they should
never be ridden alone."
"I carry a Colt 45. I'm trained to
use it. I'd like to use it on you."
"With your riding skills, you'll probably
fall off your horse and shoot yourself in the foot."
"You're an idiot. Anyone who carries
a gun while riding should be duct-taped to a tree and left for the
vultures."
"Yeah, well, for that comment I'm going to
sue you, your family, ridecamp and everyone you know."
"Oh
yeah? Well, my brother's an attorney and my uncle's an attorney and
they're going to sue you into the ground."
"Hey,
this is a free country, I can say what I want."
"This is
not a free country, and this is an email list, not a chat
room."
"Would
all of you shut up?"
"No, I
won't shut up, you communist. I want to talk about sheath
cleaning. I have my vet do it, but I hate paying for
it."
"I love
doing it. I'll clean your horse's sheath."
"It's
just like sex."
"So what is the big deal about cleaning a
horse's sheath?"
"Sheath? What sheath? Is where the
saddle sits?"
"Jeez you're a moron, the sheath is where
they store their you-know-what so that they can take it out and
you-know-what."
"That is SO gross, I can't believe you
even brought it up."
"Were you born in the 1400's? This
is like, so puritanical."
"You mean putrid. There's no way I'm
touching that thing. And everyone says it smells really bad. You
have to wear gloves and still end up washing your hands over and
over."
"You're an idiot. Just go out there
and clean it."
"Yeah,
well, for that comment I'm going to sue you, your family, ridecamp and
everyone you know."
"Oh
Pahleeezzz. Maybe you should just take your gun and kill your horse -
that way you won't have to deal with it."
"I'd rather
kill you. And besides, too many horses die in endurance
already."
"Like
there's any comparison to racing?"
"You're an
idiot. Anyone who doesn't think endurance isn't dangerous is an
idiot. In fact, everyone on this list is an idiot - that's why I've
infected the site with the klez virus."
"Endurance
isn't dangerous, endurance riders are dangerous."
"Do you
even have a horse?"
"OH MY
GOD. I just found white hairs under my saddle."
"You're an
idiot - those are from the gray horse you ride on alternate
days."
"No,
seriously, I'm scared that my saddle doesn't fit anymore, and I paid $4,000
for a custom saddle and it's supposed to fit, right?"
"You're an
idiot - NO saddles ever fit."
"I have a
saddle that fits."
"How do you
KNOW?"
"I don't
see any white hairs."
"What color
is your horse?"
"White."
"Is
everyone on this list an idiot?"
"No, just
you for reacting to everything."
"I'm going to sue you
into the ground, and call the FCC and the
PTA."
"You are
the weakest link."
"So how far
should I ride if I'm training for a long endurance ride - you know, 25
miles. That seems like an awful far way to ride."
"You're an
idiot - 25 miles isn't far and isn't endurance - it's called LIMITED DISTANCE,
or LD."
"I ride 6
times a week, 20 miles a day. I'm in training for my first LD - am I
getting enough mileage in?"
"That
depends - what color are his feet?"
"One is
white, the rest are black."
"You're
going to kill your horse, that's for certain. A white foot is the kiss
of death."
"Only if
the horse is short."
"Yeah, but
you're riding a tall horse."
"I'm 6'5" -
you want me to ride a donkey? I'd look ridiculous."
"You're an
idiot, AND you'd look ridiculous no matter what you ride."
"You sound
like you've been smoking carbos again."
"You don't
SMOKE carbos, you EAT them."
"I give
up."
"me
too."
"me
too."
"me
too."
Mike
Sofen
Santa Cruz,
CA
(thank
you and have a nice Winter)
