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Re: RC: sheath cleaning with KY jelly

I've noticed that the only people talking about this subject are female.  
This does not surprise me in the least.  Well, far be it from me to be shy 
about the subject, but let's just say being here on ridecamp, surrounded by 
women who talk about cleaning a gelding's dong like doing laundry, I figured 
I'd better check it out.

So I went to the store and bought some Excalibur, quite an appropriate name 
for the job I must say.  Anyhow, I made sure none of my neighbors were 
anywhere around, since I'm the only horse person on the street and I think 
the word would spread that Howard's finally lost it totally with his horses.  
Way too familiar, if you know what I mean.

And I proceed, making sure to follow the instructions on the bottle, and even 
forgoing the rubber gloves, as I don't have any and have gone too far with 
this job to stop and take the time to run to the store for them.  I know that 
if I don't go thru with it I'll just not be able to do it.  I'm purty sure I 
have that disease known to a lot of American males called homophobia, and 
though, technically my horse isn't queer, I have seen him do some strange 
things with the other gelding.  

So I stick a water hose down there, get it nice & wet, and then slop on the 
green Excalibur, which seems to be a combination of Jell-O and goppy jelly 
that's been in the fridge too long.  Now comes the hard part, I try not to 
look at what I'm doing so maybe it won't seem as surreal as it does.  I, 
also, glance around to make sure nobody has snuck up on me with a video 
camera.  The coast is clear so I continue.  And now I'm in, the hand is in 
the (what do you call this damn thing anyhow? sac? pit?) and man, it is so 
messy.  Cheesy stuff, I actually looked up the word for it and it's called 
smegma.  Another appropriate name.  What creates this mess?  What am I doing 
in here with my hand surrounded by it?  Can I hire someone to do this for me? 
 If my gelding gets excited, I know I'm just gonna lose it entirely.

Well, let's just say it's an awful job and I'm trying to come up with the 
right wording so I can advertise for this position in the local newspaper.  
And if a guy calls up for the job, I'm just going to tell him the position's 
already been taken, cause the only thing worse than doing it yourself is to 
watch another male do it for you.  

I want to bond with my horse, but this is asking a bit too much.  


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