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Fwd: RC: Need Advice on Situation (long)

In a message dated 3/25/99 10:02:54 AM Pacific Standard Time,
cwhadley@giarctechnologies.com writes:

<< er behavior is 
 not appropriate and that she is not welcome without a major change?  I am
SURE that 
 with this woman's selective memory, I will become the person in the wrong
here.
 I guess I am just a wimp and would like everyone to behave and get along and
etc.
 I know-the perfect world :) >>

Absolutely, this person has NO BUSINESS on a horse let alone in polite or
well-schooled company. In the interest of safety, there is no way I would
allow this person along. Indeed, I have been frank with a few people about why
they may NOT accompany me on a longer ride, and in some cases, AT ALL. There
are people my daughter is not allowed to ride with, due to their abusive
behaviour and in addition, the unsafe environment it creates. 

If no one else has the huevos to go with you, you go alone and explain
carefully in a tongue she understands that neither she nor her horse is yet
prepared for the rigors of solid trail work, and indeed, they both would
benefit immensely from several months of hands on quality training - from the
ground up. Aside from the obvious safety issues is the appalling attitude
toward her horse. Clearly she is not ready to ride unattended by an
instructor.  In any case, you are under no obligation to invite her and if she
inquires about joining you, simply remind her that you are CONDITIONING for an
event that she is not prepared for. Then go alone. 

As an aside, if you are good enough friends to do so, please take the time to
explain the mentality of a horse, and that by knocking a horse around for
things that he has NO IDEA what he did wrong (tripping??), sh is confirming
his growing feeling that going fo a ride is NOT a positive experience. 

Good luck - and remember the tough love theory.
Sandy

---- Begin included message ----
Hi,
I am involved in a rather sticky situation and would like some advice on how
to
handle this.
I am getting ready to ride my first 50 in two weeks and have spent the past
year
getting ready and training/conditioning.  Apparently, I have been a little too
vocal
in expressing how much fun I was having.
An aquaintance/friend called Sunday morning before I left for a "training"
ride and
invited herself along.  I repeatedly informed her that this was a training
ride and that
those of us going were planning on trotting and loping most of the ride.  She
was
quite sure that she was ready for this and would not be in the way, so on and
such
forth.
Well, the first mile of the ride was fine.  We had just walked and warmed up.
Then
we decided to start trotting and because she was the newest person along, we
put
her in the middle of the line.  This worked until we were about 5 miles from
the
trailer.  At this point she decided that her horse was being a brat and
proceded to
yank on the reins, kick the horse with her spurs, and yell obscenities at it.
We were
all so surprised, that we stopped and waited until this outburst was over.
From this point on, things went downhill quickly.  She insisted that she was
OK, that
the horse was just being stubborn and we should continue.  ( Which we did at a
walk)  Every two or
three minutes this temper tantrum of yelling and hitting was repreated. We
tried to
calm her down-we walked the horses-we let her go in front-etc. etc. At this
point, we
just were trying to get back to the trailer to go home and end this terrible
day.  Then we came to a
SMALL, SLIGHTLY sloping part of the trail that has rocks on it.  When her
horse started to go
 down this area, one of
her rear hooves slipped on a rock and this person jumped off the horse, and
began
to kick her in the belly, and hit her with the reins.  The mare backed up
right into me
so fast I didn't have time to move and kicked my horse in the chest.  This
ride was
definately falling apart!
Well, finally, we all got settled down and we walked back to where the trail
forked.
We informed her that the trailer was to the left and that we were going to the
right and
would meet her back at the trailer.  This was agreeable to everyone and the
rest of
the ride was OK.  When we arrived back at the trailer, she was there.  She
obviously
has a very selective memory because the ride home was filled with her talking
about
how wonderful her horse is and how she would really like to go again.
Of course, everyone that I usually ride with is shocked/appalled and although
we
don't want to be rude-no one wants to ride or associate with this person. 
This woman is the type that has already done/tried everything and of course
has
done it better than anyone else.  She calls me 3-4 times a week to tell
me how wonderful
she and her horse are.  I try to be nice and make conversation, but over the
last six
months, it is becoming harder.
Any advice on how to not ever have her ride with us again without us looking
like
rude/ignorant people?  Should I just be blunt and tell her that we feel her
behavior is
not appropriate and that she is not welcome without a major change?  I am SURE
that
with this woman's selective memory, I will become the person in the wrong
here.
I guess I am just a wimp and would like everyone to behave and get along and
etc.
I know-the perfect world :)
Thanks for listening,
Carrie
and Poco (yes I'm fine-the kick didn't hurt me)
GIARC Technologies
Web Site Designs and Innovative Products
www.giarctechnologies.com


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<DIV><FONT color=#000000>Hi,</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#000000></FONT>I am involved in a rather sticky situation and
would like some advice on how to</DIV>
<DIV>handle this.</DIV>
<DIV>I am getting ready to ride my first 50 in two weeks and have spent the
past
year</DIV>
<DIV>getting ready and training/conditioning.&nbsp; Apparently, I have been a
little too vocal</DIV>
<DIV>in expressing how much fun I was having.</DIV>
<DIV>An aquaintance/friend called Sunday morning before I left for a
&quot;training&quot; ride and </DIV>
<DIV>invited herself along.&nbsp; I repeatedly informed her that this was a
training ride and that</DIV>
<DIV>those of us going were planning on trotting and loping most of the
ride.&nbsp; She was</DIV>
<DIV>quite sure that she was ready for this and would not be in the way, so on
and such </DIV>
<DIV>forth.&nbsp; </DIV>
<DIV>Well, the first mile of the ride was fine.&nbsp; We had just walked and
warmed up.&nbsp; Then</DIV>
<DIV>we decided to start trotting and because she was the newest person along,
we put </DIV>
<DIV>her in the middle of the line.&nbsp; This worked until we were about 5
miles from the </DIV>
<DIV>trailer.&nbsp; At this point she decided that her horse was being a brat
and proceded to</DIV>
<DIV>yank on the reins, kick the horse with her spurs, and yell obscenities at
it.&nbsp; We were</DIV>
<DIV>all so surprised, that we stopped and waited until this outburst was
over.&nbsp; </DIV>
<DIV>From this point on, things went downhill quickly.&nbsp; She insisted that
she was OK, that</DIV>
<DIV>the horse was just being stubborn and we should continue.&nbsp; ( Which
we
did at a walk)&nbsp; Every two or </DIV>
<DIV>three minutes this temper tantrum of yelling and hitting was repreated.
We
tried to </DIV>
<DIV>calm her down-we walked the horses-we let her go in front-etc. etc. At
this
point, we</DIV>
<DIV>just were trying to get back to the trailer to go home and end this
terrible day.&nbsp; Then we came to a </DIV>
<DIV>SMALL, SLIGHTLY sloping part of the trail that has rocks on it.&nbsp;
When
her horse started to go</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;down this area, one of</DIV>
<DIV>her rear hooves slipped on a rock and this person jumped off the horse,
and
began</DIV>
<DIV>to kick her in the belly, and hit her with the reins.&nbsp; The mare
backed
up right into me</DIV>
<DIV>so fast I didn't have time to move and kicked my horse in the
chest.&nbsp;
This ride was</DIV>
<DIV>definately falling apart!</DIV>
<DIV>Well, finally, we all got settled down and we walked back to where the
trail forked. </DIV>
<DIV>We informed her that the trailer was to the left and that we were going
to
the right and</DIV>
<DIV>would meet her back at the trailer.&nbsp; This was agreeable to everyone
and the rest of </DIV>
<DIV>the ride was OK.&nbsp; When we arrived back at the trailer, she was
there.&nbsp; She obviously</DIV>
<DIV>has a very selective memory because the ride home was filled with her
talking about</DIV>
<DIV>how wonderful her horse is and how she would really like to go
again.</DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#000000>Of course, everyone that I usually ride with is
shocked/appalled and although we </FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#000000></FONT>don't want to be rude-no one wants to ride or
associate with this person.&nbsp; </DIV>
<DIV>This woman is the type that has already done/tried everything and of
course
has</DIV>
<DIV>done it better than anyone else.&nbsp; She calls me 3-4 times a week to
tell me how wonderful</DIV>
<DIV>she and her horse are.&nbsp; I try to be nice and make conversation, but
over the last six</DIV>
<DIV>months, it is becoming harder.&nbsp; </DIV>
<DIV>Any advice on how to not ever have her ride with us again without us
looking like</DIV>
<DIV>rude/ignorant people?&nbsp; Should I just be blunt and tell her that we
feel her behavior is </DIV>
<DIV>not appropriate and that she is not welcome without a major change?&nbsp;
I
am SURE that </DIV>
<DIV>with this woman's selective memory, I will become the person in the wrong
here.</DIV>
<DIV>I guess I am just a wimp and would like everyone to behave and get along
and etc.</DIV>
<DIV>I know-the perfect world :)</DIV>
<DIV>Thanks for listening,</DIV>
<DIV>Carrie </DIV>
<DIV>and Poco (yes I'm fine-the kick didn't hurt me)</DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#000000 size=2>GIARC Technologies<BR>Web Site Designs and
Innovative Products<BR><A
href="http://www.giarctechnologies.com">www.giarctechnologies.com</A><BR></FON
T></DIV></BODY></HTML>
---- End included message ----
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