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> Subject: The Joys of Living up North!
> (Diary of a Snow Shoveler)
> December 8: 6:00 p.m.
> It started to snow.  The first snow of the season and the wife and I
> took time out, relaxed, and sat for hours by the window watching the
> huge soft flakes drift down from heaven.  It looked like a Grandma Moses
> print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again.  I love snow!
> December 9:
> We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch
> of the landscape.  What a fantastic sight!  Can  there be a more lovely
> place in the Whole World?  Moving way up North was the best  idea I've
> ever had.  Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy
> again.  I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.  This afternoon  the
> snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the
> driveway, so I got to shovel again.  What a perfect life.
> December 12:
> The sun has melted all our lovely snow.  Such a disappointment.  My
> neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely  have a white
> Christmas.  No snow on Christmas would be awful!  Bob says we'll have so
> much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again.
> I don't think that's possible.  Bob is such a nice man I'm  glad he's
> our neighbor.
> December 14:
> Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night!  The temperature dropped  to
> minus 20!  The cold makes everything sparkle so.  The wind took my
> breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks.
> This is  the life!  The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried
> everything  again.  I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much
> shoveling, but  I'll certainly get back in shape this way.  I wish I
> wouldn't huff and  puff so much.
> December 15:
> Twenty inches forecast.  Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.  Bought
> snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels.  Stocked  the
> freezer.  The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out.
> I think that's silly.  We aren't in Alaska, after all.
> December 16:
> Ice storm this morning.  Fell on my rear on the ice in the driveway
> putting down salt. Hurt like I'd been hit by a truck!  The wife laughed
> for an hour, which I think was very cruel.  She's beginning to get on my
> nerves.
> December 17:
> Still way below freezing.  Roads are much too icy to go anywhere.
> Electricity was off for 5 hours.  I had to pile the blankets on to stay
> warm.  Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.
> December 18:
> Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but I'm not about to admit it to
> her.  Man, I hate it when she's right.  It's hard to believe I'm
> freezing to death in my own living room.  And I have to share this
> frigid house with her!
> December 20:
> Finally, the electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of this
> crummy white stuff last night.  More shoveling!   Took all day.  That
> big city snowplow came by twice.  Tried to hire one of the neighbor's
> kids to shovel, but they said they're all too busy playing hockey.  I
> watched, and they aren't playing hockey all that much.  I think they're
> lying.
> December 21:
> Called the only hardware store around here that's open to see about
> buying a snow blower.  Can you believe it?  They said they're out!
> Might have another shipment in March.  I think they're lying. Bob says I
> have to keep the sidewalks shoveled or the city will have it done and
> bill me. I think he's lying.
> December 22:
> Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the
> white slop fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till
> August.  Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out  to shovel
> and then I had to use the bathroom.  By the time I got undressed, used
> the bathroom,  and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel.  Tried to
> hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he
> says he's too  busy.  I think he's lying.  Some lousy neighbor if you
> ask me!
> December 23:
> Only two inches of snow today.  And it warmed up to zero.  The wife
> wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning.  What is she,
> nuts!!!   Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago?   She says she
> did but I dont remember it.   I think she's lying.
> December 24:
> Six inches of new snow.   The snow is wet and packed so hard by that
> snowplow that I broke the shovel.  Thought I was having a heart
> attack.  If I can ever catch that maniac who drives that snowplow, I'll
> drag him through the snow by his ears.  I know he hides around the
> corner and waits for me to finish shoveling the driveway, and then he
> comes down the street at a hundred miles an hour and throws snow all
> over the driveway, plugging it up and filling it in after Im just
> finished clearing it out.  Im beginning to hate that snowplow maniac.
> He's nuts!  And to top that off, tonight the wife wanted me to sing
> Christmas carols with her and open our presents.  But I just didnt have
> time.  I was hiding behind the snow pile at the end of driveway with a
> baseball bat, waiting for that snowplow maniac to make an appearance.
> Where is he when you want him to show up?
> December 25:
> Merry Christmas?!?   Twenty more inches of the white slop tonight.
> Were actually snowed in!  We cant get out at all!  The idea of
> shoveling makes my blood boil.  I truly hate snow!  In the middle of all
> this the snowplow maniac actually had the nerve to come to the door to
> ask for a donation.  I hit him over the head with my shovel.  The wife
> says I have a  bad attitude.  I think she's nuts.   If I have to
> watch  "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time at the urging of my wife, I
> think I might kill her!
> December 26:
> Still snowed in.  Why did I ever move here?  Now that I think about it,
> it was all HER idea!  She's really getting on my nerves.
> December 27:
> Temperature dropped to minus 30 and the pipes all froze!
> December 28:
> Warmed up to minus 20 degrees.  Still snowed in.  THAT WOMAN  is
> driving me crazy!!!
> December 29:
> Ten more inches of white slop.  Will it never stop!   Bob says I have to
> shovel the roof or it could cave in.  That's the silliest thing I ever
> heard.  How dumb does he think I am?
> December 30:
> Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars
> for the bump on his head.  The wife went home to her mother.  She left
> by riding with that snowplow maniac!   Nine more inches predicted.
> December 31:
> I finally figured it out!   Ive set fire to what's left of the house.
> No more shoveling.
> January 8:
> I feel so good.  I just love those little white pills they keep giving
> me.  Why am I tied to this bed?
> -- 
> World Peace begins with me!
> Do not follow where "The Path" may lead, Go instead 
> where there is no path, and leave a Trail. Author Unknown
> In my next life, I am going to have more memory installed!

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