ridecamp@endurance.net: Re: Urgent Virus Alert!

Re: Urgent Virus Alert!

Nat & Richard (trailride@foothill.net)
Thu, 04 Sep 1997 10:57:25 -0700

Actually, since virus scares are more persistant than the actual
viruses, the only defense is a good sense of humor. Along that line,
the following item from several years back, written about the GOODTIMES
hoax, will serve. You can substitute the name of the virus warning du
jour...

READ THIS:

Goodtimes will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will
scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will
recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream
goes melty. It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards,
screw up the tracking on your television and use subspace field
harmonics to scratch any CD's you try to play.

It will give your ex-girlfriend your new phone number. It will mix
Kool-aid into your fishtank. It will drink all your beer and leave its
socks out on the coffee table when there's company coming over. It will
put a dead kitten in the back pocket of your good suit pants and hide
your car keys when you are late for work.

Goodtimes will make you fall in love with a penguin. It will give you
nightmares about circus midgets. It will pour sugar in your gas tank and
shave off both your eyebrows while dating your girlfriend behind your
back and billing the dinner and hotel room to your Discover card.

It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead, such
is the power of Goodtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to sully
those things we hold most dear.

It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't find it. It
will kick your dog. It will leave libidinous messages on your boss's
voice mail in your voice! It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous
and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of
mauve.

Goodtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat
up. It will make a batch of Methanphedimine in your bathtub and then
leave bacon cooking on the stove while it goes out to chase
gradeschoolers with your new snowblower.

Listen to me. Goodtimes does not exist.

It cannot do anything to you. But I can. I am sending this message to
everyone in the world. Tell your friends, tell your family. If anyone
else sends me another E-mail about this fake Goodtimes Virus, I will
turn hating them into a religion. I will do things to them that would
make a horsehead in your bed look like Easter Sunday brunch.

--author unknown

-- 
Natalie's Barn & Breakfast -- a B&B for horses ...and their riders 
  Visit us at http://www.foothill.net/natalies    (916) 637-4644
   Also, the OFFICIAL TEVIS SITE, http://www.foothill.net/tevis


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