THE INFAMOUS BUCKING STORY (long)

["Tracey" <tracey@tbt.co.za>]

Some poor, innocent poster on another site to which I subscribe posted the following query:

 

"Hi everybody, I am a new horse owner. My filly is 2 years old and of course cannot be ridden yet. I am slightly anxious about getting thrown for the first time when the time comes to ride her. My vet said to expect it :-) I am a green rider and have not had any lessons yet (planning to soon). I wondered if you all would share with me your experiences on getting bucked off.

1. why did it happen?
2. could you have done anything to prevent it?
3. what lessons did you learn?

My concern is not (probably should be) about getting hurt or the pain.
My concern is that I'll get hurt, be off work, and won't be able to take care of my horse! Silly huh?

Thanks, "

Now, as the good twin was in control that day, I didn't go into the whole green horse / green rider thing, but I could not resist putting the oar in, and being somewhat of an expert in this field, I composed the following, which I thought I'd share with you:

Okay, from the sounds of things, you are bound and determined to do this thing right, as opposed to just hang around and wait for it to happen, like the rest of us. So, here are Aunty Tracey's Tips for Being Bucked Off:

1. Ensure that you have an audience. There is absolutely no point in being decked by your horse unless there are, oh, say a hundred people around to watch. This way, you will have made them feel better about their own inadequacies, and you won't have to go into tedious detail explaining to everyone you know exactly how it happened.

It is considered good form if at least one of the audience members is either :

a. Someone you admire and want to impress; or

b. Someone you despise and don't want to give any ammo to; or

c. Someone you have the hots for and want to impress; or

d. Your best friend, who will have no compunction in falling over, laughing and pointing.

 

2. Try to be spectacular. I mean, anyone can just get bucked off and land on their backside, can't they? You want to try to make this "the decking to end all deckings". The Titanic of bucks. You get the picture. Now, for this you will need the following:

an extremely acrobatic horse - you want one of those twisty-turny jobbies last seen at the National Rodeo Championships;

a supple back - you shoud practice somersaults, pirouettes and handstands at home;

a hat- see, I can be sensible!!!

 

3. It is best if this buck comes at a time when everyone is watching you, but no-one is prepared for what is to come. During a dressage test is good. Your horse should be working nicely, giving no indication that you are about to become "the girl who learned to fly". Of course, experts at this will claim to spot the tail swishing, the ears twitching back, and the tension around the nostrils, but they are show-offs and should be ignored. To the uninitiated, this will look like a dramatic performance which you and your horse have practiced at home.

 

4. When the horse leaves the ground, and launches you into the air like a cannon ball, it is far more gratifying for the crowd if you can let out a blood-curdling yell. Kind of like William Wallace when they cut his, um, thingies off. Practise this at home. When the local rangers knock on your door, asking if you are keeping a wild cougar in your back yard, you will know you have it right.

 

5. You should try to stay airborne for as long as possible. The longer the better. If your arms and legs fly in impossible directions, as if you were a rag doll, you will achieve additional marks for artistic impression.

 

6. When you land, try to do so with a thud! The dull kind that you hear when you drop a melon from a great height. Try not to go "splat" - it puts the audience off their hamburgers.

 

7. Lie immobile for a while, as your horse runs off into the distance. After an appropriate length of time, raise your head and groan : "you bastard".

 

Tracey