Re: Re: simulating an ECTRA vet check

["Celia Krall" <celiak@pcrs.net>]

I can't stand it - I'm cryin!!!  Best laugh I've had in months.

Cel



----------
> From: Susan Garlinghouse <suendavid@worldnet.att.net>
> To: Dave & Abby Bloxsom <cyclone@snet.net>; teep@bedford.net
> Cc: Ridecamp <ridecamp@endurance.net>
> Subject: RC:  Re: simulating an ECTRA vet check
> Date: Tuesday, July 18, 2000 5:56 PM
> 
> Great advice on simulating an ECTRA ride...now, here's how to simulate an
> AERC vet check:
> 
> Gallop into the "vet area", if possible trampling several of the loose
dogs
> and spectators gathered there.  Lead your horse right up to the water
> trough, the one with the sign next to it saying "NO SPONGING" and
> immediately immerse your muddy sponge to get it all nice and clean after
you
> dropped it a ways back.  While sponging your horse, make sure he rubs his
> head on the nearest drinking horse, if possible, getting his tack
> irreparably tangled up.  As soon as your horse stops rubbing and starts
> drinking, have a crewperson heave a five gallon bucket of ice water over
the
> both of you, while simultaneously hitting the horse in the head with a
> bucket of bran mash and trying to cram a banana in your ear, meanwhile
> screaming, "IS HE DOWN YET???".  Check your horse's heart rate by looking
> for your heart monitor.  It will either be missing or telling you your
> horse's heart rate is 376.  No matter.  Shriek for a P&R person as loudly
as
> possible and continue shrieking until serviced.
> 
>  Hold your horse with a death grip by the bit, glaring at him eye-to-eye
and
> muttering darkly that he'll be barbecue by midnight if he kicks the vet
> again.  Have a "P&R person"  walk up to your horse, fumble with a
> stethoscope, put it in their ears backwards and place the bell end on
your
> horse's neck, stare intently at their watch for five minutes, move the
> stethoscope to three more places on your horse's neck/withers/shoulder
and
> then pronounce your horse "down" and scream as loudly as possible into
the
> horse's ear, "TIME!!!!".  If possible, have another volunteer on the
other
> side scream "10:42!!!" into your horse's other ear.  If *your* watch is
> telling you that this means your horse will be allowed to go in
> approximately five hours, all is going as expected.
> 
> Now take your horse to the "vet".  Don't remove any tack, in fact, drape
as
> much as possible all over him.  If possible, have some of it drag on the
> ground, get tangled up in the horse's feet and either break, fall off and
> cause your horse to trip and fall on top of the nearest ride official.
> Approach the "vet" who will also place a stethoscope on various parts of
the
> horse.  As soon as he starts listening, start talking and asking
questions
> as loudly as possible.  If he doesn't answer and gets a peeved look on
his
> face, repeat everything again---he just wants to make sure he heard you
> right.  When he gives up and asks for your vet card, hand him a soggy
soda
> cracker.  At this point he'll ask you to trot out the horse---what he
really
> means is for your horse to wheel around, knock him into the nearest clump
of
> swamp or cactus (depending on your region), kick the nearest horse and
> refuse to budge.  If he's a stallion, this would be a good time for him
to
> drop and start trying to prop himself up with his penis.  If she's a
mare,
> squatting and peeing right in front of the nearest propped-up stallion is
> just as good.
> 
> Have a crew member wave their arms and/or a whip around behind the horse
to
> get it moving.  Try to get the whip to smack the horses standing in line
> behind him.  When the horse whinnies in terror, bolts and tramples the
vet,
> that's fine---he can check the girth area for sores as it's passing over
> him.  Watch your horse carefully for signs of stiffness or lameness as it
> gallops off into the wilderness.  Don't forget to retrieve your soda
cracker
> vet card from the vet's clenched fist as you leave.
> 
> :-)
> 
> Susan G
> 
> 
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: Dave & Abby Bloxsom <cyclone@snet.net>
> To: <teep@bedford.net>
> Cc: Ridecamp <ridecamp@endurance.net>
> Sent: Tuesday, July 18, 2000 5:13 PM
> Subject: RC: simulating an ECTRA vet check
> 
> 
> > For an ECTRA check, you should have 4 people.  Two will hold notebooks
> with
> > flapping papers, one will put hands on every part of the horse above
the
> > elbow & stifle, one will touch each leg all the way down.  The Notebook
> > people will stand one on each side (as will the Touchers) and then
they'll
> > switch sides & repeat the touching on the other side.  One of the
touchers
> > will put fingers on the gums, pinch the skin on the neck, and maybe
look
> > under the lower eyelid.  The Top of Body Toucher will need to look at
the
> > horse's whole head as well, on both sides and on the poll.
> >
> > Then you need to jog the horse *on a slack lead* away from the group
about
> > 50-60 feet, jog a *round* circle (maybe 20-30 feet radius) in each
> > direction, and jog back toward the group.  The horse should stop &
start
> > when you do, without you needing to pull on the lead (much).  To make
it
> > smooth, you should halt and turn between each segment of the jog-out.
> >
> > The P&R check is a piece of cake compared to that, just one person and
a
> > stethoscope, but if your horse can stand *motionless* for 2 minutes
you'll
> > be doin' great!
> >
> > If you can master all of that, your horse will be better behaved than
50%
> of
> > the competitors out there ...
> >
> > Good luck!
> > -Abby Bloxsom
> >
> >
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> 
> 
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> Information, Policy, Disclaimer: http://www.endurance.net/RideCamp   
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