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How to Interpret Classified Horse Ads
Now that spring is coming and some of you are searching those ads for the
perfect horse, here are a few "tips" on how navigate your way through those
classified ads (modified for endurance prospect):
"BIG MOVER": Can't canter within a two-mile straight-away
"NICELY STARTED": Attended a "natural horsemanship clinic," but we don't
have enough insurance to
ride him yet, especially outside the round pen.
"TOP COMPETITOR": Won a second place 5 years ago at an endurance ride with
unusually low entries
due to tornado warnings.
"HOME BRED": Knows nothing despite being raised on the back porch.
"BIG BONED": Good thing he has a mane and tail or he would be mistaken for
"NO VICES": Especially when he wears his muzzle (and when in the round
"BOLD & SPIRITED": Runaway.
"GOOD MOVER": Runaway.
"NEEDS INTERMEDIATE RIDER": Runaway.
"ATHLETIC": Runaway (but looks good doing it).
"SHOULD MATURE 15.1 HANDS": Currently 14 hands; dam is 14.1, sire is 14.3,
but will defy his DNA.
"WELL MANNERED": Hasn't stepped on, run over, bitten, or kicked anyone
since our twelve-year-old
neighbor, who we paid to ride him, quit.
"RECENTLY VETTED": Someone else found something really wrong with him
during soundness exam.
"TO GOOD HOME ONLY": Not really for sale unless you can: 1) pay twice what
he's worth; 2) are
willing to sign a 10-page legal document of release; and 3) allow current
owner to tuck in beddy-
bye every night.
"LIGHT CRIBBER": We can't afford to build any more fences and barns for
this buzz saw.
"EXCELLENT DISPOSITION": Never been out of the stall (or the round pen) and
never had any pressure
of any kind on him.
"CLIPS, HAULS, LOADS": Clippity-clippity is the sound his hooves make as
he hauls butt across the
parking lot when you try to load him.
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