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How to Interpret Classified Horse Ads

Now that spring is coming and some of you are searching those ads for the
perfect horse, here are a few "tips" on how navigate your way through those
classified ads (modified for endurance prospect):

"BIG MOVER":  Can't canter within a two-mile straight-away

"NICELY STARTED":  Attended a "natural horsemanship clinic," but we don't
have enough insurance to
 ride him yet, especially outside the round pen.

"TOP COMPETITOR":  Won a second place 5 years ago at an endurance ride with
unusually low entries 
 due to tornado warnings.

"HOME BRED":  Knows nothing despite being raised on the back porch.

"BIG BONED":  Good thing he has a mane and tail or he would be mistaken for
a cow.

"NO VICES":  Especially when he wears his muzzle (and when in the round

"BOLD & SPIRITED":  Runaway.

"GOOD MOVER":  Runaway.


"ATHLETIC":  Runaway (but looks good doing it).

"SHOULD MATURE 15.1 HANDS":   Currently 14 hands; dam is 14.1, sire is 14.3,
but will defy his DNA.

"WELL MANNERED":  Hasn't stepped on, run over, bitten, or kicked anyone
since our twelve-year-old 
 neighbor, who we paid to ride him, quit.

"RECENTLY VETTED":  Someone else found something really wrong with him
during soundness exam.

"TO GOOD HOME ONLY":  Not really for sale unless you can: 1) pay twice what
he's worth; 2) are 
 willing to sign a 10-page legal document of release; and 3) allow current
owner to tuck in beddy-
 bye every night.

"LIGHT CRIBBER":  We can't afford to build any more fences and barns for
this buzz saw.

"EXCELLENT DISPOSITION":  Never been out of the stall (or the round pen) and
never had any pressure 
 of any kind on him.

"CLIPS, HAULS, LOADS":   Clippity-clippity is the sound his hooves make as
he hauls butt across the 
 parking lot when you try to load him.


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